Marriage Falling Apart

[Mollyanna]

I have been struggling since I became pregnant last year. I had a rough pregnancy with a lot of sickness, and was laid off of my job at my fifth month of pregnancy. My husband and I fought the whole pregnancy because I was upset he had no compassion for me, nor would he ever help me. Now I have a beautiful daughter and my husband and I cannot get along and he does nothing to help me. I feel like I feel like he does not support me, help me, or respect me. I left a week ago with my daughter and moved in with my parents for the time being. When we are together I cannot stand him being around me because he does nothing but upset me or does nothing to help me. I keep looking to God for support and help through it all, but I am at my witts end. I have hit rock bottom before in my life and God gave me my daughter, who saved my life. I feel like I have loss my faith from being so upset and sad, and I need it back. Any advice or is does anyone understand?

[Jenny96]

Hi, Mollyanna - I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. Thank God for your dear daughter! It's very easy to feel that you are doing every for your child and to dwell on it, but this will really make you very miserable and won't be productive. Speaking from experience, having old wounds will make you feel physically bad all the time, not to mention spiritually and mentally. I would be willing to bet that you are suffering from some sort of migraine/headache, stomach upset/IBS, sleeping, or other issues. I recently read an amazing book call The Law of Forgiveness. The idea of the book is to forgive yourself and others for things you are holding on to that are dragging you down. Note that I didn't say forget! The book makes a point of saying that you don't condone or necessarily forget what someone has done to you. You instead 'release' the hold it has over you. Not trivializing your problems at all, but there is a lot of truth to this, and I would encourage you to try it! Other than this book, I would encourage you to pray and meditate on whether you feel this relationship can be saved. I know it's hard to hear God sometimes, so keep at it - in the shower, in the car, whenever you can. I use the Rosary or Divine Mercy Chaplet to meditate on tough issues - they can quiet your mind enough to hear what God is saying. If you believe it can be saved, then talk to your husband about counseling. Get your priest or other counselor involved so that you can start to resolve some of these issues that are poisoning you! Sorry for the rambling, but I hate to hear that you are in so much pain. God bless you and your family!

[Jenny96]

Sorry, Mollyanna - I forgot to post the information on the book, The Law of Forgiveness by Connie Domino. Here's the info on Barnes & Noble's site: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Law-of-Forgiveness/Connie-Domino/e/9780425229958/?itm=1&USRI=the+law+of+forgiveness

[Laurabear]

Molly,

I have had a very similar trial with my marriage. We went to marriage counseling, and I felt hopeless with three kids. One book changes my marriage. My Husband and everything. It is called " A Catholic guide to a life long marriage: For better forever" by Gregory Popcak. He also has a website called www.exceptionalmarriages.com. The book gives you practical advice for incorporating your faith into your marriage. Before we get married we are taught that married life is a vocation right? but what does that mean in our daily life? What should we be doing. I had a very hard marriage and pregnancy...well all three pregnancies, and got extremely hopeless. I was angry at my husband for lack of support and then I had a reality check...I'm leaning on my husband and not enough on Christ bc I felt abandoned by him. That's when I also picked up Popcaks book called " life shouldn't look like this." It changed my views on the situations in my life. I really recommend calling on the grace that you and your husband recieved when you got married and ask God to give you the strength to pick up these books...first the for better forever one...and read it with your spouse. I picked up the books with the thoughts ..." sure popcak just try to make me love my husband," and ended the book with my husband with a whole new outlook on marriage, my husband, and my faith. If you feel hopeless like me....actually I called an attorney that morning....and want one last effort please read this together.