Support for surviving an affair/infidelity

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  mommyrose 6 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #2223

    magdalen
    Member

    Last summer my husband had an affair. It was the most devastating thing that I have ever experienced. We are both Catholic, practice NFP, married in the Church etc. I never thought this would be part of my marriage/life! I would have left my husband immediately, but we have a one year old son who adores his father. Since then, we have been in counseling and I know my husband hasn’t been in contact with the woman. He’s ademant that he regrets it and will never do it again. He’s doing fine. I still feel so sad and so lost. One of the hardest things for me is that I don’t feel at liberty to share what I’ve been going through with my friends. Partly because I don’t want them to hate/judge my husband or insist that I leave him, but also because I am embarrassed and they seem to be in such great Catholic marriages.

    I was surprised that there doesn’t seem to be any online support group (or support groups in general) for Christian/Catholic women who are struggling with rebuilding themselves, and their marriages, after an affair. Am I just not looking in the right place?

    Any women have any advice on how to get through this???

    #3831

    Have you maybe tried counseling through catholic charity’s? You could request a catholic counselor. Maybe it would help if someone understood where you we’re coming from religiously.

    #3832

    catholicmoms
    Member

    Dear Magdalen,
    You are right…. there is nothing on the web about this. Maybe because it is such a difficult and embarrasing subject? I will look into adding some resources to the CatholicMoms.com web site on this. I’m sure you are not the only one to go through it. I can think of a Catholic Mother right now who went through it and stayed with her spouse. Also, some of the other Christian web sites that aren’t necessarily Catholic might have some resources… Focus on the Family maybe?

    Have a Blessed Day,
    Renee, CatholicMoms Moderator

    #3833

    magdalen
    Member

    We have been in counseling with a Christian counselor for the past six months. I called a priest right away that recommended someone who has been prayerful and insightful into the problems in our marriage. My husband comes from a very hurt past so its been such a help to together start to deal with some of his demons.

    I have found help through Focus on the Family too. They have a counseling service that lets you call in and speak to someone right away. This was a great immediate help because it was confidential and I knew that I was speaking to someone who knew the importance of my faith during this crisis. I recommend it to anyone who needs to talk to someone but doesn’t have the ready availablity of a counselor.

    Thank you for offering to make resources available online. I have felt for sometime the need to create my own forum that could be a confidential support to women facing this issue. Unfortunately I lack the internet skills to create something. Any resources or support would, I believe, be a great comfort for marriages or spouses that are facing this issue.

    #3834

    ourladyloves
    Member

    God bless you Magdalen! i share your pain and sympathize with you. no matter what you are doing, never forget the pain and suffering of our Lord during His passion. unite yourself with His pain and offer it up for the greater glory of God. i will pray for you and your husband to get the help you need! God bless you both!

    #3835

    Remember Our Blessed Lady has you in her prayers!

    As with anything, the first step to complete healing for the one who was wronged is true forgiveness for the one who wronged them. It’s hard, but more than necessary.

    While I have never had to deal with an affair, I did experience abuse when I was younger. If it were not for our Lord’s grace I would have never been able to forgive, and without that forgiveness, I would have never been able to heal.

    #3836

    jtjane
    Member

    I too am trying to recover from my husband’s affair. We also practice NFP and I home school our son, and work fulltime overnocs on weekends. My husband was working and finishing up a BS fulltime in the evenings and met a woman there. He broke contact with her just last Wednesday and he is missing her and that is killing me. I constantly fear he is going to change his mind to leave us. I feel his ambivilance and my anxiety is flying through the roof. I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel so stuck, I don’t want him to leave and lose my marriage but I am going crazy with him staying, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like I cannot handle another betrayel. I am devestated. I wish I could help you, heck I wish I could be helped. We are in CAtholic counseling and I am seeing my MD for medical help but I still don’t know how I will get through this. I have been relying on God but I still feel like I am going under. I hope things get better for you soon. God be with you.

    #3837

    rosannajames
    Member

    I invite you to join the Catholic Mom Community

    http://www.cmomc.org/OnlineCommunity.php

    We are a support system for all mothers no matter what they are going through. There are some who have similar circumstances as you are describing. Perhaps you can join the group and find some others who can help you!

    God bless!

    Lisa

    #3838

    magdalen
    Member

    JTJane, I sent you a personal response to your inbox at Catholicmoms.

    Roseanna, thanks for the invite. I’ll be sure to sign up. See you there!

    #3839

    rosannajames
    Member

    At the Catholic Mom Community I go by OHLisa. Hope to see you! God bless!

    Lisa :)

    #3840

    mommyrose
    Member

    My heart is so saddened for both of you ladies!! What a loss of trust in your marriage, such sorrow and betrayal, this is a very heavy burden that tortures your mind and your heart! You will both be in my prayers that you find peace! Remember that God only gives us burdens that we can bear, although the pain may seem more than you can bear now if you trust in God with time he will lead you to forgiveness and you will become stronger and better women.
    I pray that you find someone’s shoulder to cry on, someone you can confide the tortures that you go through. Have the strength to talk to your husband. He has broken his sacred marriage vow and he will have to do everything in his power to regain the trust in your marriage. He needs to go out of his way to do nothing suspicious. He will also need someone to talk to. I can only imagine that he must bear a heavy burden too. Both of your husbands sound like good men who truly regret what they have done. Be thankful that your burden is not the same — to now see the harm he has done to his marriage and to see how he has broken the heart of the one he loves, the person he gave his self to for the rest of his life, the person who should trust in him and confide in him the most is now broken-hearted and feels alone and betrayed, all because of him. This burden must be very heavy to bear indeed!
    May the Lord be with all of you while you mourn, may he lead all of you to a place of forgiveness and trust in each other that your marriages might be stronger for the trials that you have overcome together. I pray for you and all who have suffered such a betrayal.

    #3841

    mommyrose
    Member

    I don’t know how the two ladies who posted earlier this year are doing now in dealing with the affairs of their husbands… I have recently run across a great Catholic website addressing the healing of emotional wounds, I thought this might be of interest to them or others trying to deal with this sort of betrayal:

    http://www.chastitysf.com/healing.htm

    Quote:
    We can give our pain to God. That is, when we are hurt, we don’t have to fight back, trying to hurt others as they have hurt us. Trusting in God’s perfect justice to protect us, we can accept all injury quietly, peacefully, and without grumbling or protest. Despite our injuries, we can give under-standing, patience, compassion, forbearance, mercy, and forgiveness to those who hurt us…

    To heal our wounds, all we have to do is kneel before the Crucifix and, looking to divine justice, surrender our desire to avenge our hurts. In imitation of him who accepted injury quietly, peacefully, and, without grumbling or murmuring, we can say, “Lord, I am wounded. I hurt. I am helpless. I am broken. I am vulnerable. Nothing I can do by my own hand can protect me. Help me, for without your mercy and protection, I will perish. Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit. Help me to continue my work in your service despite the fact that I feel [betrayed, abandoned, unloved, insulted, falsely accused, etc.].â€

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