Son not baptized since hubby is still Protestant

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  catholicforlife 8 years, 6 months ago.

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    Hi ladies, I am in need of son prayer. We are leaving today to go visit my cousin, she has asked me to be her son’s Godmother (Im already her daughter’s) and the crermony is tomorrow. I feel so blessed to be another child’s Godmother but it of course reminds me that my soon to be 3 year old son, Asher, is not baptized…as if I dont think about it enough. Even though my husband supporsts me being Catholic and totally respects me for it and is even allowing him to go to Catholic school, he still has not agreed to him being baptized. Here are his reasons:
    1. He says he can not stand up there before God and profess that he will be raised Catholic and only Catholic nor can he allow me to say that when he will also be teaching our son the Protesant faith (poor kid is gonna be so confused!)
    2. If he agreed he said he would want his best friend to be the Godfather. His best friend is of course not only Proestant (which only one godparent has to be Catholic) but he is SUPER anti-Catholic. His friend would agree to do it if my husband asked him but I know he would condenm the whole sacrement and mock it.
    3. My husband doesnt want to rob Asher of a believers baptism later on at the “age of accountability” as an outward sign of accepting Christ. He does not see baptism as grace giving and really only accepts the sacrement of marriage and surprisingly, communion.

    So there you have it, my hands are tied and my heart is broken. We are pregnant now and I know that this one will not be baptized either. Please pray that my husband at least allows for our children to be baptized. I realize that he is on his own spiritual journey and slowly but surely he has begun to accept to Catholic Church and even loves parts of it but if he could only give me this. I know you all understand the importance of this request and I thank you in advance for your prayers. May peace be with you, Gina



    Hi Gina,
    This is a very difficult situation…

    My 17 (almost 18 year old daughter’s boyfriend is not Baptized) and we were discussing it one day. He asked me if anyone could Baptize him and I said, “I don’t know. ” I looked it up in the Catechism and sure enough, anyone can Baptize you it says so in the Catechism. Well, I might get tons of opposition to saying this… but if I was the mom, since the Catechism says so… I would get some Holy Water and Baptize Asher myself. Your husband is keeping him from receiving this Grace just because he doesn’t want to make promises…which is the wrong reason. The other thing, which would probably be a lot better is to take him to the Priest or Deacon and just ask one of them to Baptize him. There would not be a ceremony, so no promises from your husband would have to be made. I have a friend who Baptized her Granddaughter… the mom and dad did not come… they aren’t Catholic, but the Grandmother was very concerned about the 3 or 4 year old receiving this Sacrament.

    Another thought, did you know that the Catholic Church recognizes Baptism that is done at any church. Your son would not have to be re-Baptised.

    About having your husband’s anti-Catholic friend as a Godparent… I would definitely so NO to that idea. It’s hard enough to find Godparents that do anything even when they are Catholic! You really need someone to pray for your son and give him support in carrying on the Catholic Faith… not talking him out of it. I would forget the Godparent idea just so you could get him Baptized… look ahead to Confirmation Sponsor or RCIA sponsor as a Godparent… this will give you more time. Also, if you have a close Catholic friend, ask them to be the “adopted Godparent”. Just do spiritual nice things for the Child… but nothing official.

    Hope some of these ideas work for you …. at least maybe they will help to give you some ideas…

    Keep praying!!!
    Renee, moderator



    Hi there.

    It’s been awhile since I’ve visited this forum. I am Catholic now, came into the Church this past Easter.

    You are in a very hard situation. Too bad DH is not an infant baptizing Protestant, huh?

    I am under the understanding, that …if you do have him baptized, a non-Catholic can not be his godparent. And I really don’t think your husband would have to profess anything since he is a non-Catholic.

    Personally, I would arrange a baptism with out my husband’s knowledge. Here is why….. You know that as a Catholic you are suppose to raise him Catholic. That’s in the catechism and definitely church teachings. Then should your son decide as an adult to become protestant (I pray not)..that faith will require him to have a believers baptism, you know? So, why would it hurt for him to be baptized Catholic? It shouldn’t. If your husband believes in a believer’s baptism, then your son’s Catholic baptism would mean nothing to him…so he really doesn’t have to be there….

    Also, you may want to educate your husband on the Sacrament of Confirmation. It is very, very comparable to *believer’s baptism* as in, at Confirmation, your son will be taking his Faith on his own. He is saying that he *believes*. He receives the Holy Spirit! That should be comforting to your husband to know that at the age of accountabilty, your son will be confirmed in his Faith.

    I’m new here. And really hope that I haven’t stepped on any toes. But I really, really think you should consider having him baptized, at a quiet, Saturday evening ceremony…it takes about 30 minutes, I believe.

    God bless. Dana



    Thank you very much for the suggestion of doing it without my husband’s consent. Although his baptism is very important to me, I could never go against my husband’s word, after all he is his son too and I was not Catholic when we got married or when our son was conceived. I can’t imagine how betrayed my hsuband would feel if I did that and it would unfortunately work against me I’m afraid. Thus far he has been pretty supportive of me being Catholic and attends Mass regularly and signed the papers for our son to go to Catholic school….all that might go away if I went behind his back. Although I do not agree with my husband and think he is wrong, I love and respect him way too much to create that kind of division. I will however take up your suggestion of TRYING to teach him more about the sacrament. He will only listen to so much and then says, “I get it Gina, I really do, it’s just not my belief.” We’ll see how it goes again though!! Thank you again for your suggestions, Gina



    Sorry, it was very uncharitable of me to not are in my prayers!

    I understand all that you say.


    While the CCC does say that anyone can baptize, it is referring to only those cases in which the individual is in danger of death, but in all other cases it should be done by the ordinary minister of the sacrament, clergy or deacon. Baptism is such an important sacrament that most parishes require the parents (or candidate of baptism if the person is older) to take classes before the sacrament is received.

    While it is a tragedy that your husband will not allow your child to be baptized, just remember that God’s mercy is infinite.

    You’re doing the right thing waiting on the baptism, but if your child does come into the danger of death, then he should be immediately baptized.

    It sounds as though your husband is following his conscience and doing what he believes to be right and godly, and that is to be commended. It sounds, also, like he has the best interests of your children in mind.

    While a believers baptism is a Catholic sacrament, you should do what you can to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

    I think the best course of action is regular prayer as a family, regular prayer for her husband, and Bible study together.

    Hope this is a little helpful.

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