Recovering from an affair

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  catholicmoms 3 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #2287

    jeska
    Member

    I am new to Catholic Moms. I joined primarily because I do not have much of a support system in my current parish or town. I recently found out that my husband of nearly 6 years had an affair while he was unemployed this past year. It began when I was 8 months pregnant with our first son, and ended 6 months later when the woman moved away. I found out 6 months after the fact. I decided to stay if he was honest, and after a month and a half of knowing, he told me last night he had slept with someone while we were dating and someone else the first year we were married. He told me he believes he has an addiction to pornography and masturbating as well.
    I am Catholic, and my husband is not, but we practice NFP, were married in the church and are raising our son to be Catholic. Since I discovered the affair, he has decided to attend Mass with us and has gotten rid of the porn and stopped masturbating. He is making changes and I can see those changes, but I am still struggling.
    Most of what I read lays blame on the injured spouse, and he tells me that it was not about me at all, and that it was not about love. I feel broken and I am asking God for all the strength he can muster for me but I still cannot stop thinking about what has happened. Is there anyone that has had experience with this and can offer words of encouragement?

    #4023

    catholicmoms
    Member

    Dear Jeska,
    First of all, I am glad you found us. It is important to have a support system.

    I am so sorry for what you are/have gone through. You are not alone. Sexual Addictions are becoming rampant… especially with the availability of anything you want at any time you want on the internet. There is a book that I really recommend that you read, “An Affair of the Mind” – By Laurie Hall. She is an amazing woman who went through what you are describing. The book might help you to get some insight on what you should do.

    It’s good that you husband has taken steps to get better. However, he probably needs to also get counseling and be a part of an accountability group. These type of sexual issues/addictions are very difficult to break and he needs the right kind of support system. You also need a support system (as you said). Please be assured it is NOT your fault. You are the victim. Laurie Hall goes into a lot of explanation about these feelings you are having. If you would both seek counseling with a Christian Counselor who is familiar with these type of issues, he/she could probably really help you both to get healthy again. You can’t do it alone. I encourage you to seek counseling even if your dh won’t go.

    I’m so sorry that you are feeling so much pain and confusion right now.

    God bless you. Please feel free to post back at any time. I will be praying for you. < >

    CatholicMoms, moderator

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