Non-Catholic Husband and Birth Control???

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  catholicforlife 5 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #2179

    brandila
    Member

    Hello everyone! I am new to the forum, and I have a couple questions. A little background info first -

    I was born and raised Catholic in a very traditional, large Irish/Italian Catholic family. 7 kids, my mom was a sahm, etc. I did encounter some problems growing up, and eventually left the Church. I had a baby out of wedlock at age 19, then married one month later. After 3 very troubling years, we divorced. I re-married 3 years ago to the love of my life. he is 23 years older than me. He also has a child from a previous marriage. He is not Catholic.

    Recently I have renewed my Faith in the Church. My husband and I have a beautiful 8 month old daughter that my husband has agreed to raise Catholic. I recently began attending RCIA (I quit going to Mass as a child just before I was to be Confirmed) but had to quit and put it on hold for a few more month, due to a very demanding breastfeeding baby! :) Both my children are being raised Catholic, and my ex-husband and new wife had even converted themselves.

    The problem is that my husband refuses to even go to RCIA with me. He goes to Mass sometimes, but makes a point to tell me that he will NEVER convert because he doesn’t believe in our Faith. How can I get him to change his mind? Or at least give it a chance??

    Also, in the beginning of our relationship, I was obviously not living according to the Church’s teachings. This led to a vascectomy that had to be reversed in order to have our daughter. I want very much now to use NFP, but I can’t get him on board with that. He has mentioned going back to get a vascectomy again! Any advice on how to NOT go that route?? I am not sure myself if more children is an option for us, as my husband is older and has some medical issues. But IF we were to conceive again, I would see it as something beautiful and God’s will, and I would be very happy about it. But he wants me to go on birth control pills until we decide for sure about more kids. He does not believe in abortion at all, but I think if I tell him about how the pill can cause abortion, he will think I am trying to convert him or something! :roll: Any advice???

    Thank you so much in advance!!

    #3683

    teresa_marie
    Member

    Wow, how this must lay heavy on your heart.

    I don’t know what to tell you, especially since your DH is not wanting to convert.

    I can only offer this, lead by example.

    my husband is atheist and will not convert. So, I lead by example and share interesting and happy information about the church. He knows how important this is for me and supports my journey. He also knows that our daughter will be raised in the church and he does not protest.

    My husband has been damaged so much by his family (Southern Baptist) and others (he attended Wingate to be a minister and they treated him so poorly). So I believe all he needs is to remember God’s love, but in his time and God’s- not mine).

    In regards to birth control, you can only control your own body and not that of others.

    I’m sorry you are dealing with this and know that it will all make you stronger in faith.

    #3684

    gina
    Member

    What a burden! I would pray for him, ask St. Monica and St. Helen for their intercession (both were women who prayed fervently for their loved ones’ conversions), and continue to invite him to attend Mass with you. If he says no, then don’t push it. Same with RCIA. You can also try to come home and say, “wow, listen to what I learned today that has touched me, made me understand more, etc” He may not take it to heart, but just being excited about it and sharing in non-threatening ways can plant seeds in his heart.

    God Bless

    #3685

    nessa
    Member

    I will be praying for you and your family.
    I can only second what the ladies that have already responded have said….share positive things with your dh, and pray.
    Will he think you are trying to convert him if you share what you have learned about bc? could you even start by saying ” I’m not trying to make you Catholic here, but I have learned some things that bother me about the pill…..” and go on from there?

    #3686

    burrisfam1
    Member

    Pray, pray, pray and when you are done, pray some more!!!!

    I can’t imagine how hard that must be! What a blessing that you found your way back to the faith! Maybe your re-conversion will be enough to spark some interest in your husband!

    As for info on the pill, if he won’t take it from you then just get facts and have him read it. Here is one link http://www.pfli.org/faq_oc.html. Not only can it cause an abortion, it can do major damage to you for taking it! Blood clots, strokes, and breast cancer just to name a few!

    Best of luck & know our family is praying for you and yours!

    #3687

    magdalen
    Member

    Any possible way you could get him to meet you half way? I know that my husband wasn’t into the NFP thing but I explained to him that its only a week a month and that the peace it would give me in that week of abstinence would be the greatest gift he could give me. He doesn’t understand my perspective on it, but he puts up with it which I see as him meeting me half way. I use a fertility monitor because I had problems taking my temp because my job requires me to travel which means I wake up at different times everyday.

    Have hope. Every soul is on their own journey. Your example is priceless and is worth more than any amount of words. My best friend’s father was an atheist and his Catholic wife took the kids alone to Mass for all of their 25 year marriage. He converted six months before he passed away! She always said that she prayed that Mary would “take care of her son and lead him in her time” and she did.

    #3688

    @brandila wrote:

    The problem is that my husband refuses to even go to RCIA with me. He goes to Mass sometimes, but makes a point to tell me that he will NEVER convert because he doesn’t believe in our Faith. How can I get him to change his mind? Or at least give it a chance??

    I wouldn’t push it. If he is going to Mass, you should be thankful for that. That’s more than what so many Catholics do. Many Catholics only go to Mass on holidays. I would simply thank him for attending Mass with you when he goes, and let him know how much you appreciate it.

    Also, in the beginning of our relationship, I was obviously not living according to the Church’s teachings. This led to a vascectomy that had to be reversed in order to have our daughter. I want very much now to use NFP, but I can’t get him on board with that. He has mentioned going back to get a vascectomy again! Any advice on how to NOT go that route?? I am not sure myself if more children is an option for us, as my husband is older and has some medical issues. But IF we were to conceive again, I would see it as something beautiful and God’s will, and I would be very happy about it. But he wants me to go on birth control pills until we decide for sure about more kids. He does not believe in abortion at all, but I think if I tell him about how the pill can cause abortion, he will think I am trying to convert him or something! :roll: Any advice???

    You might try telling him that NFP is not only healthier for you, but it could be very beneficial to your marriage. By using NFP you’re tracking your body and in doing so some health issues could be discovered and treated sooner (not that one would wish for one to encounter them) than if you were on ABC (Artificial Birth Control). Also, it is much more effective than any other birth control (when used correctly) can be 99%, that’s more effective than even the Pill.

    Here’s a good site with answers to commonly asked questions on NFP. http://ccli.org/nfp/basics/faq.php

    #3689

    My NFP only dr. wrote this article years ago, but it is as true now as it was then.

    I can vouch for his faithfulness to the Church.

    http://www.faithmag.com/todaysfaith/2002/9-18-02.html

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