March 2, 2007 at 5:51 pm #2088
I am a freelance wiriter specializing in Catholic family issues. I am hoping to interview Catholic parents who have had a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages for an article in The St. Anthony Messenger.
Information from parents, theologians, and medical professionals with a Catholic perspective will help those who grieve an unborn child.
If there is anyone in this forum who would be willing to tell their story, please contact me by personal message.
I am very discreet as I too have suffered multiple miscarriages.
God Bless!March 4, 2007 at 3:00 am #3358
What do you want to know? I’m more than happy to help out! I’ve had one miscarriage on paper, but I know that there have been more.
And, it’s funny that you posted this…tomorrow is the 3rd anny. of the d&c from my last one. It’s the one that REALLY hurt the most.
Oh for the record, my story isn’t something I worry about keeping private. If it can help ANYONE, I have NO problem sharing.March 10, 2007 at 4:26 pm #3359
Hi, I am new to this site and as I was searching noticed your post. Let me start off on a positive note… My husband and I are blessed with 2 beautiful sons. Our oldest is 16 and our second son is 10. The journey to parenthood was a long and difficult one, though I would travel that road again and again because it resulted in the birth of our boys. I have had 4 late term miscarriages and one stillbith. Our first pregnancy ended at 16 wks.. Our second ended with our son Andrew who was stillborn at 8 months. Our third pregnancy resulted in the birth of our oldest son…what a miracle!!!! After he was born We suffered 2 more miscarriages both at 18 wks. Our 6th pregnacy resulted in our second miracle!!! My 7th and final pregnancy ended at 16 wks. Many friends and family members would ask me how we were able to go on. Honestly looking back I am a bit amazed myself! The only response I have is that the our faith carried us through the darkest days. To some this sounded silly or even stupid but this is the only explanation I have.
I will be happy to answer any questions you have!
LisaMarch 11, 2007 at 2:54 pm #3360
Hi, I would be happy to help and share my story. I know how much it helped us when others told us about their experiences. My husband and I have 2 beautiful children, ages 2 1/2 and 6 weeks. We also have 3 angel babies. It was our faith and in turning to God that we were able to get through those difficult times. Let me know if I can help in any way! Thank you!March 19, 2007 at 8:58 pm #3361
If eclare is still writing that article I would share my story. But I just wanted to ask for prayers because I do have three wonderful, living children and 4 in heaven (miscarriages). My last mis was last summer and I’ve been coping more or less well, but in the last week and a half four people I know have just found out they’re pregnant and I’m having a hard time coping. I want to be a good friend and I don’t want to give in to jealousy. If you have any advice or insights I would like to hear it, or just keep me in your prayers. TYMarch 19, 2007 at 9:00 pm #3362
If eclare is still writing that article I would share my story. But I just wanted to ask for prayers because I do have three wonderful, living children and 4 in heaven (miscarriages). My last mis was last summer and I’ve been coping more or less well, but in the last week and a half four people I know have just found out they’re pregnant and I’m having a hard time coping. I want to be a good friend and I don’t want to give in to jealousy. If you have any advice or insights I would like to hear it, or just keep me in your prayers. TYMarch 19, 2007 at 9:39 pm #3363
I know exactly what you are going through. The 5 times I miscarried either a friend or one of my sisters was pregnant and carried the babies to term. The duration of their pregnancies was very difficult for me as well as the birth of their children. I kept asking Why not me? I just continued to pray for strength. I even forced myself to bring my nieces to the hospital after my sister delivered. I really did not want my sadness to overshadow their joy. I also didn’t want them to tiptoe around me and feel they couldn’t talk openly to me, that would have hurt even more. I guess my advice to you is to let out your sadness. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and then move on. Make room for the joys in your life and accept the joys of others! It’s not an easy task but it’s not impossible! pray to your angels in heaven, ask them to pray for you so that you gain the strength you need.
I’ll keep you in my prayers!
LisaMarch 20, 2007 at 3:05 pm #3364
Dear Joyce and Lisa,
I am still here and so very appreciative that you chose to respond. The response to this and other posts I have left on numerous Catholic websites has been overwhelming and I am struggling to keep up. Please forgive me if it seems I am not around–I am!
I am hoping to interview respondents personally within the next month either by setting up telephone conversations, or if you wish for anonymity, a web-conference.
I wanted to respond first to your request for prayers. I will certainly pray for you and your healing.
I had a really tough time too with 9 miscarriages/stillbirths. I cursed myself for putting career before starting a family, cursed my husband, cursed God. It’s been 4 1/2 years since I last miscarried and I have two beautiful girls, but I admit I still rail against God for my heartache–He is big enough to handle it you know.
Seeing another woman’s body work the way it is supposed to–watching another woman hold a child in her arms was like a dagger through my heart.
I remember once sitting in a little cafe in a Massachusetts coastal town where I lived. I was looking out the window gazing at the ocean across the street and being so heart broken I felt that I could just walk out into the sea and into oblivion and all the pain would be gone. (I’ve never told anyone this.)
I had just lost my children–twin boys at 19 weeks– and it had been particularly difficult physically. I had lost a lot of blood and had just been released from the hospital that morning. As I looked out and contemplated oblivion, while on the outside I smiled sweetly at my husband (good, strong obedient Catholic girl that I am), a much younger woman and her husband walked up on the other side of the window and parked a carriage right in front of me. They lovingly adjusted the blankets that wrapped their little bundle and then they very casually left the baby and the carriage outside in the warm spring sun and came inside to order.
It wasn’t unusual in this small quaint place to do that. The town was very safe and they were close enough to the window to easily keep an eye on the carriage, and they would just be a minute.
The panic I felt though was overwhelming. Horrible things raced through my mind, nightmarish really–an image of a monstrous ocean swell rising and crossing the street to swallow the child up, a car suddenly veering up onto the sidewalk, an animal carrying the baby off.
I looked at the couple. They were holding hands, happy and talking, and then she turned and we caught eyes and I was sure she knew. She dropped her hand from her husband’s and without a word, went to check on her child.
I was on the inside looking out as she held her bundle in her arms and talked and cooed. And I was sure she knew. I was sure she believed I was the threat, the monster, cursed and unnatural–something to keep away from her child. I was sure she knew. Some primitive maternal instinct told her there was something wrong with me–I was a curse, a jynx, a carrier of bad spirits and bad luck for children.
Of course I was projecting. Now when I look back on the scene, I believe it never happened that way at all and the woman most likely never even noticed me.
I wish my husband could have read my mind that day in the cafe. He surely would have told me that it was an illusion, that I was still beautiful in his eyes and in God’s, if not in my own. That all that God does He does through nature and nature itself can seem in our experiences so cruel and arbitrary.
Nature is cruel and arbitrary–an ocean swell that rises out of nowhere to swallow everything in its path, a car that veers the wrong way, a child that leaves us before we hold it in our arms. And yet in God’s eyes, all that occurs within His nature is a blessing and nothing is a curse.
How can that not make me angry with Him? And that’s okay, He can take my anger.
I belong to a parish in W. PA named Our Mother of Sorrows–I love that name–because I can relate to the dolours of Mary. Behind the altar is a huge mosaic of Mary with the seven daggers through her heart. Almost every woman who has ever mentioned that image to me has said she hated it, but I love it. If you look closely enough, you can see that her expression is a kind of strange, sad smile and forgive me, but to me she seems to be saying “What’s a mother to do?’
I like that idea of Mary accepting her dolours, her sorrows. Nobody ever said she was happy about what she had to face, but she accepted it…what’s a mother to do?
I like to think of that when I think of my own children who were sacrificed. I was still their mother. I loved them and nurtured them both physically and spiritually as well as any other mother for as long as God let me and I still love them today.
How are we different from any other mothers? And how are those children different from any other children?
You are a mother who grieves a child and need not be strong or stoic about it. When I am jealous of a friend or a sister who is expecting a child, I simply tell them so. An expectant mother often is most open to you talking about the child you lost because they feel their own child moving inside them and have present knowledge of what being a mother to an unborn child is like.
You are only good in God’s eyes and all your dolours, all your sorrows are worthy. I know there are daggers in your heart and do not fault you one bit for not wanting to hide them. I don’t think any mother could–after all What’s a mother to do?
EileenMarch 20, 2007 at 5:59 pm #3365
Thank you for sharing your story–the world does seem like a scarier, more menacing place right after obstetric loss. Nobody’s “supposed” to lose a child and when it does happen your mind can easily slip to some dark places where you wonder what else could possibly go wrong in an ordered universe.
Actually, I know I’ve been abundantly blessed. Most days I understand this deeply. I know women who have never been able to get pregnant at all, or never found a good man to marry or had numerous problems that prevented them from ever living a normal life with everyday joys. (Case in point–there’s a woman my age in my parish who’s mentally retarded and lives with her parents and while she’s never been through the pain of obstetric loss, she’s never known the joy of love and marriage).
Just once in a while, however, I succumb to sadness–but at least everybody her understands that.
God bless.March 20, 2007 at 8:44 pm #3366
Dear Joyce and Eclare
I am grateful I have a place to share my stories and people who are willing to listen!! My prayers are with you both. Eclare contact me if you would like to interview me!
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.