March 17, 2007 at 12:34 am #2096
Ok so my husband and I got married in 2003. When we got married we had a three month old and one on the way. I ended up miscarrying the one I was pregnant with during the wedding but got pregnant again right after. Anyways we we’re both baptized and raised catholic and have raised our children in the catholic faith. Basically my husband has been talking to a priest or two. One told him something along the lines of since we we’re both baptized catholics and got married outside the church we could have basically a blessing of our marriage and they would recogonize it. Another told him no that we’re not even supposed to be receiving communion and the only way is to right the wrong and get married in the church. Our first wedding was very modest and I do hold some harsh feelings for the way it was conducted. Now my husbands family is all for us getting married in the church. My family on the other hand basically thinks its uncouth. That it would be like saying haha look at us we’re getting married again. They think it is for “material” reasons. Even my mom isn’t supportive. To me it is just sad to be rasied in a “catholic” family and have people tell me that it isn’t right to do the right thing by god. I want to get married in the church it’s just I don’t know if I can handle the emotional strain that was put on me by my family the first time again with the rude comments they have made when I mention getting married in the church. My husband says we need to start planning. He wants to get married in the church down town with the Latin mass.March 17, 2007 at 3:27 pm #3399
I don’t understand what your parents have against it. Maybe they think you’ll have a big deal with a registry and gifts? Because you certainly don’t have to, that’s not what its about. Its about the sacrament of marriage, and the recognition of your vows by the church and not just the government. But I don’t think a party afterwards would be tacky, I think a celebration of your validation would be perfectly appropriate!
My husband and I are having our validation done within the next few months. We are just now converting though, so that’s why we’re having it done. But its very common to have a secular ceremony, then a religious validation afterwards. Its not another wedding per se, just a validation so that the church can recognize the union as a marriage. Let’s say for instance you got married by a captain on a cruise ship. That’s a lawfully binding marriage, but its not a religiously recognized one – you’d have to have your vows validated when you returned.
I hope that helps. I would encourage you to talk to a priest yourself though, and maybe even take your parents with you so that they’ll understand the reason behind it.
NicoleMarch 17, 2007 at 7:11 pm #3400
That would make me sad Aimee if my family was like that. Maybe you could just have a small little ceremony with the people you want to be there. Invite your family but if they don’t want to come they don’t have too. It’s not like your having a BIG huge thing again. I agree with Nicole.
AndreaMarch 17, 2007 at 9:23 pm #3401
You should be congratulated for doing the right thing. It is neccessary for you to have your marriage blessed, it is the right, moral thing. That pretty much makes everyone’s ‘feelings’ on the subject null & void. My suspicions are that if they think your intentions are ‘materialistic’ they are somehow assuming you are requesting gifts. My suggestion would be to be very upfront about the reason behind your actions. That you are simply righting a wrong in the eyes of God and all you want from them is to come and witness the blessing of your union and I’d just CLEARLY indicate their PRESENCE is the best PRESENT you could recieve. Kind of hard to accuse you of being materialistic with that!
Best of luck and hope you are able to get it all done soon!March 17, 2007 at 11:01 pm #3402
Just to let you know, when they say that the marriage will be blessed, it’s essentially getting married all over again, but in the church and your marriage will be valid. It’s also called a convalidation.
My husband and I had to do this when he was going through RCIA. We had to have our marriage convalidated before he could be baptized and confirmed at East Vigil.
It was right in time with our tenth wedding anniversary and since our first “wedding” was so humble, we made more of a party out of it. We had a few people over after the ceremony for a small party. I actually got to buy a real dress this time around (since I had the TIME for it all) and my husband wore a tux. What made it extra special was that our two older kids (the youngest wasn’t conceived yet) were a part of the ceremony as ring bearer/best man and flower girl/maid of honor. It was so precious to us.
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