Husband’s Female Friend Moving in (7th Mnth of Pregnancy)

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  lizziem 1 year, 6 months ago.

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  • #2309

    lizziem
    Member

    Hi! I am in serious need of advice. A few weeks ago, a female friend of my husband (who he used to have a relationship with) posted on Facebook that she might need a place to stay for a bit while her husband undergoes AF training out of state. At the time, I thought they were planning for a future event (as any rational person would do, several months ahead, as this involves international travel), and extended the offer of a stay at our place. Since then, it has been revealed that this was for the immediate future (she’s coming tomorrow!) and will last for 6 months.

    Our relationship is really strong, so I am not concerned that he will stray with her (although she has never hidden the fact that she is interested in him to this day despite her being married).

    My medical history makes it very likely that this will be my only child, and I feel blessed that we were even able to conceive this time. Am I just being horribly selfish by wanting my husband to myself for the first few months of our child’s life? I have a lot of guilt about not wanting her here. She’s kind of a lump, never works, doesn’t clean up after herself, etc. I don’t like that I’ve had to expend a ton of energy cleaning the house and moving furniture for her (oh, she also failed to mention until this week she has NO furniture and is bringing her cat, which is NOT declawed). It’s been rough-at 7 months, I’ve only put on 5 pounds total, and still get sick on an almost daily basis.

    We’re about to move into our new farmhouse, and it is so far from the city (and she doesn’t have a car) that I know she won’t leave for the delivery or ever really. This is exacerbated by the fact that both my husband and I work from home. It takes a lot of love to deal with the same person 24/7, but we have done it well for a long time now. I am not sure how adding her to the mix will change things. I also don’t like the possibility of cat damage to my new house.

    I am concerned because I am seven months pregnant, and I don’t want her (or anyone, if I’m being honest) here for either A). my planned home delivery of my first (and possibly only) child or B). the first three months of my child’s life, which is when a lot of important familial bonding takes place.

    All this was done over facebook, in single sentences, with almost no details at any point, which has been frustrating, to say the least. How would you handle this situation? My husband wants to see how it goes, but I want to tell her when she gets here that she needs to find a place of her own BEFORE the baby comes. Am I wrong? Should I open my house to her and just deal with the negative feelings I’m having?

    #4056

    zaidagal
    Member

    Hi LizzieM – I dont see any replies to this! Not sure if im missing them. I just wanted to say that you are NOT being selfish at all, needing your home to yourself and your husband at this time. I think it would be very fair to discuss other alternatives – dont put the woman out on the street, ofcourse, but help her find someplace else to stay, and be adamant with her and your husband (in a gentle way) that this is what is needed. Fill us in on what is happening?

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