Hello! So happy I found this forum!!!

Welcome Catholic Moms! Forums General Topics Hello! So happy I found this forum!!!

This topic contains 16 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  westcoastmum 8 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #1967

    sahm-o-my
    Member

    Hello! I wanted to introduce myself. I have posted 3 or 4 times, so far, and thought I’d tell a little about myself!

    I am a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) of 4 children, and our 5th is on the way. DS8, DD6, DD3.75, DD21mos., and DD due 9/4 (expected late Aug). Thus my nickname… SAHM O, MY! –Of Many Youngsters! OH MY! or, as some people state when they see our “brood” WOW! or even, Yikes! or my personal favorite, “you’ve got your hands full!” :roll: :lol: We couldn’t be happier! We love, love, love being parents, and having children. We love to laugh, as most people don’t believe us when we say it actually gets easier! And I’ll be thought of as odd, but I’m not big on being pregnant, but LOVE Labor and Delivery!!! I go natural and love every minute of it!!! (though it doesn’t last long) There is a secret to it, and a lot of the reason I love it is I am good at it.

    Anyhow… our 4th child was supposed to be an identical twin, but her sister died in-utero at 28 weeks. They were delivered by emergancy C-section and somewhere (before birth, during birth, just after birth) she suffered some small strokes causing brain bleeds which severely damaged her brain. She spend 55 days in the NICU, but did very well in there. She was nearly a text book example of a micro-premie. She came out much earlier than they predicted. She has Cerebral Palsey, and vision and hearing impairments. We are pretty certain she hears better than she sees. Both ears and eyes work, it is just the connection between the brain that is damaged. She has only 4 teeth, and cannot talk, yet, but is making noises that appear to be pre-babbling. She has no problem communicating, though. Wahhh! 8O :wink: At 21 months, she can sit assisted, and needs to be carried. She is just 15 lbs., barely. She has a good appetite (finally), and is the first child I have weaned to formula (I dried up :cry: ). She is on Soy formula and doing wonderfully. She takes some baby food, but not a lot. We are working on that. She is currently in the MOVE program through our MR/DD. There are only 15 sites in teh world. You can do a websearch to find out more. It is absolutely wonderful and has done so much for her!!! Basically, they have a lot of equipment (standers, special chairs, gate trainers, special walkers, etc.) to help her strengthen her bones and muscles. She loves standing in the stander. She really responds to the OTs and PTs that work the program. She enjoys “school”. It wasn’t easy to drop her off at 18 mos., but I soon saw it was NOT a daycare and they were doing a lot for her. It’s nearly a 1:1 ratio. This program with her weekly OT and PT have shown amazing improvements in her abilities and we are so excited about what the future will hold for her! But, at this point, I’m just happy she knows who mommy and daddy are and she smiles at us. If nothing else, I know she is content and happy to be with mom or dad, and that is enough for me. Everything else is just a big bonus on top! 8)

    DH and I are best friends. We have been together for 16 years in June, Married 13 years in August. He is the Cradle Catholic, I am the Convert. I’ve always felt called to become Catholic, so it was a big day, for me, when I was confirmed!

    I am more than thrilled that I’ve finally found this forum!!! I was on MOPS for a while, and they were nice and I made some good friends, but it just wasn’t Christian enough for me, and certainly not Catholic enough! :wink:

    Let’s see… Me in a nutshell….: Love kids, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, child-led weaning, baby-wearing (sling), co-sleeping (family bed). Would love to homeschool, but defer to my husband with the Catholic schools. We have an excellent one down the street, so not a huge concern to me. He does it mostly because he doesn’t want to get into it with his parents…. So…. supplemental schooling (homeschool when kids are home sick, on weekends, rainy days, summer break, Christmas Break, EAster Break, whenever they want to “play school”, etc.), Ebay selling, garage saling (to buy items to resell on Ebay), love to sew with machine: doll clothes, mini & lap quilts, sewing crafts, some kids clothing, occaisionally clothing for me, scrap projects, rag dolls. My big method of relaxing is sewing, but I rarely get to do it. Love reading. Favorite Magazines: Citizen (by Focus on the Family), Faith and Family, Catholic Digest, Focus on the Family, Concerned Women for America (newsletter). Not big on: Parents, Parenting, Baby Talk, American Baby, or even Mothering. I did prefer Mothering a great deal, but they made one too many political remarks that I could not support, let alone agree with so I cancelled on principle!

    We are big on discipline and have very well-behaved, yet very happy, smiley, and friendly children. I often get comments on their behavior and how happy they seem. Other mothers have even begun to ask me for advice discipline and how I “do it”.

    I welcome any questions or comments on any of my posts. I love discussion and debate. I feel this is how we learn! I feel you should learn something every day! That’s one of the meanings and joys of life, is learning! And I tend to babble!!! (both verbally and on posts) 8O

    I think that’s about it… :wink:

    #2849

    michelle123
    Member

    Hi there! WELCOME! :D

    You are my absolute hero! I got tears in my eyes as I read about your loving family! Sounds like we think a lot alike! :D

    I am a SAHM to four children…one on the way. I’m also sort of a WAHM….I handle the bookkeeping and billing for DH’s office.

    We have four children here…one on the way. DD will be 7 next month….DS is 5…DD is 3……DD is almost 13 months….and baby #5 will arrive by c-section on October 24th!! We’d like to have more….hopefully we can (it’s my 5th c-section. If not, DH and I have discussed the idea of adopting more children. We have a big house and lots of love to offer! :D

    So glad you found us here. No one is ever rude or mean here….all just so uplifting and supportive!

    Have great night!

    #2850

    lynnt
    Member

    Welcome!!!! You have your hands full in a wonderful way! :)

    I actually like some of the mainstream Parenting magazines…I take what applies and chuck the rest LOL. Just discovered Faith & Family and I love it! Hated Mothering. I like to do the natural AP thing, but you are right…that one is just too political. Love babywearing, though my DS, who is 21m, is starting to not like it as much. *sigh* I used to be a baby carrier addict. Now I’m down to just 2—my Freehand MT and my Didymos wrap.

    Hope you enjoy it here! I don’t get on as much as I want, but I do really like it here.

    [/b]

    #2851

    sahm-o-my
    Member

    @Michelle123 wrote:

    You are my absolute hero! I got tears in my eyes as I read about your loving family! Sounds like we think a lot alike! :D

    Gush, aw thanks. Yes, we are a very loving family. People comment on how happy we look, and it amazes us that others aren’t as happy. It just feels so easy. We simply love and discipline out kids, and it’s really not that hard. But, I’m a SAHM and my husband does work a lot of hours. We just appreciate every moment we have together as a couple and as a family (and why I’d rather homeschool, but that will come in time)…

    @Michelle123 wrote:

    I am a SAHM to four children…one on the way. I’m also sort of a WAHM….I handle the bookkeeping and billing for DH’s office.

    Are we twins seperated at birth?! Get this… I used to do the bookkeping and billing for my husband’s office!!! He was a physician in solo practice, but he sold the practice two years ago and works full time at an urgent care, now (better hours, set hours, better pay, no call, no hospital visits, some benefits, no paperwork!).
    @Michelle123 wrote:

    We have four children here…one on the way. DD will be 7 next month….DS is 5…DD is 3……DD is almost 13 months….and baby #5 will arrive by c-section on October 24th!! We’d like to have more….

    okay, this is a bit spooky, nearly the same ages and our 5th is due Sept., but looking at August. Would love more, but my body just can’t take it (nor can I). Love the Labor & delivery, don’t much enjoy the pregnancy! (I know, I’m odd!)
    @Michelle123 wrote:

    So glad you found us here. No one is ever rude or mean here….all just so uplifting and supportive!

    I’m excited. I’m glad I found this forum, too! Like I said, I’ve been looking for something like this. Any group I find, I’m always uncomfortable because they gripe about their husbands, ther kids (“brats”), or their in-laws. I can easily get drawn into some of that, and don’t want to. But, I have a great marriage and can’t imagine griping about dh and I love my kids. I am always excited when we have 3 or 4 day weekends, school breaks, and summer vacation! We love having them home. We might be homeschooling very soon, due to finances, and that simply excites me. I might as well be a homeschooler, anyhow. I make everything educational for the kids. We have tons of workbooks, I do homeschool activities with them over summer, Christmas break, snow days, whenever they are off school, when they are sick, and when ever they simply want to “play school”. Learning is eternal!

    I’m babbling, here… I always do! :oops: But others seem to find it interesting, so I don’t usually go back and delete or edit! And, as always, I wellcome comments, questions, and discussion of any sort! That’s how we learn! I learn something new every day!

    #2852

    sahm-o-my
    Member

    @LynnT wrote:

    Welcome!!!! You have your hands full in a wonderful way! :)

    It is sooooo refreshing to hear it termed that way! Not like… “You’ve got your hands full!” with the thought in mind that “I’m glad I’m not here”, or “Poor opressed woman”, or “why would you want so many children?”, or even “Glad I’m not her/them!”
    @LynnT wrote:

    I actually like some of the mainstream Parenting magazines…I take what applies and chuck the rest LOL.

    Actually, they come here, because dh had a solo doctor’s office and had all mail forwarded, and we keep getting them free, since I keep getting signed up when I’m seeing an OB. So, I do leaf through them. I have found some fun kid recipes in the books, I’ll admit. And I save a lot of their craft ideas, too. And I like to compare the advice columns to what I would do, for fun.
    @LynnT wrote:

    Just discovered Faith & Family and I love it! Hated Mothering. I like to do the natural AP thing, but you are right…that one is just too political.

    F&F I do love. I started getting Catholic Digest, as well. I didn’t order it, as it wasn’t recommended by some Catholic Mothers when I asked about it, but I’ve found some fun things in it for the kids and I to do. Like we made pretzels for Lent and shared them with their classes. It’s another one I leaf through, though. I do enjoy the stories as something to sit and read when I can relax (when is that?! I don’t know… :wink: ) I’m so sad about Mothering… it was a great publication for a while, but I know a lot of others who have become disappointed in it, as well.
    @LynnT wrote:

    Love babywearing, though my DS, who is 21m, is starting to not like it as much. *sigh* I used to be a baby carrier addict. Now I’m down to just 2—my Freehand MT and my Didymos wrap.

    I used to swear by the Over The Shoulder Baby Holder, unti I was sent a Maya. I’ll never go back! I love the unpadded ones! Wow! I don’t sweat, I can make it much more secure and snug around my infant, and it has so many more possibilities (I’ve used it as a jacket for a chilly preschooler, a blanket for an infant, etc.). And the pocket in the tail is a nice touch. I, also, have an Ella Roo Wrap (like a rebozo), that I like for when infants are sick or clingy. I haven’t heard of either of the ones you have, but they sound interesting. I love that you can use and abuse these carriers! I’ve carried beyond the suggested weight limit before. When DD6 was 3.5, we were downtown at an event and discovered she had a fever and was ill. So, we put her in the sling, she slept on my shoulder and DD3 was 10 mos… she hung out on daddy’s shoulders all day (she had a blast). Weight limits on most are suggested 35 lbs., however they are tested up to 100 lbs. My preschooler, at the time, was 42 lbs. She didn’t even feel that heavy, amazingly. I love baby carriers! Try getting strollers around in stores and some lines at amusement parks!!! When at Disney and we hop park to park, we rent their stroller for the older kids!!!! and use the sling for the baby. We don’t have to lug it on the trams or the bus, just pick up another rental at the next park (one fee covers any rental, any park, just take your tag). It’s only $15 for the double, but it makes life so much easier, it’s so worth it, and when the baby wants to sleep, she can always lie down in the stroller! Babbling!!!!
    @LynnT wrote:

    Hope you enjoy it here! I don’t get on as much as I want, but I do really like it here.[/i]

    I already really enjoy these forums. AND, I already don’t get on as much as I’D like. Thank you for making me so wellcomed!

    So excited to be here!

    #2853

    michelle123
    Member

    I think I remember you from MOPS!! After re-reading your posts, you seemed very familiar. Does your first name start with a “J’ by any chance? (Didn’t want to post your name here….we have nicknames for a reason, right? :D ) If it’s you, I remember thinking that we thought alike back when you were on the other board. I also remember you because, at that time, there were maybe four Catholics on that entire board, and we were two of them!

    My goodness….you MUST be the same person!! (Or elso you have another person just like you out there!)

    Michelle123

    #2854

    anonymous
    Member

    I haven’t had the chance to say WELCOME!!! :D It sounds like you have an amazing family. :D

    I am a sahm to two little boys ages 4 and 3. I also watch a couple kids to help supplement my husbands income. We are hoping to have another baby in the next year or so(God willing) and unlike you I LOVE being pregnant. I have had two c-sections so I have never experiences the labor and delivery part.

    Like Michelle and a couple of other gals on here I used to be on MOPS and drifted away after a real nasty bunch of posts. I have found these forums to be soooooo wonderful. I truly think the ladies on here are the best :D

    :D Stephanie :D

    #2855

    amby
    Member

    I’m glad you found this site! I don’t get to post much, but I love it!
    I’m a working mom of 2 beautiful angels. DS is 3 and DD is 1.5 (21 months apart). My husband and I want me to be a SAHM but I need health insurance, so until he is done with school we are both working *sigh*
    We plan (or should I say God plans) for us to homeschool our angels, I’m always looking for resources for that.
    When DH is done with school and gets a better job then I will be home! He has about 1 more year. The plan is for him to make what we do together (less than 40k, but 45k would be ideal just so it’s not penny to penny)
    My SIL (who lives with us, see the other thread) homeschools her kids. She is a great example to that, but we don’t see eye to eye on all things. :oops:

    My DH and I would love more kids, at least 5. But I doubt that I will physically have anymoer. :( My health is just too bad, but maybe just 1 more physically. We are seriously looking into adoption, but only after SIL and her family more out (only about 8-12 more months to go!)

    #2856

    Welcome to the board SAHM-O-MY. Like Michelle I recognize you from the MOPS board. I actually read your post a few days ago, but I couldn’t remember your name. Then, out of the blue your name just came to me when I was sitting to “relax” a quick (oh so very quick) minute. Your family sounds wonderful.

    I am a sahm mom to my two children. I love being a sahm. I have a dd (4 years old) who keeps me on my toes. I also have a ds (5 1/2 months) who thinks he is about 8 or 9 months. My children are such precious gifts to me.

    I am looking forward to getting to know you better!

    #2857

    elisa
    Member

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:

    And I’ll be thought of as odd, but I’m not big on being pregnant, but LOVE Labor and Delivery!!! I go natural and love every minute of it!!! (though it doesn’t last long) There is a secret to it, and a lot of the reason I love it is I am good at it.

    I’ve only had #1 so far, but had him ALL natural. It was great. What was your secret? For me, I just braced myself for the worst…and it just never got as bad as all the women on “Baby Story” made it out to be. It hurt, I cried, mainly during 5 days pre-labor but when it finally came to pushing, I was like…YAY…I love giving birth!

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:

    I am the Convert. I’ve always felt called to become Catholic, so it was a big day, for me, when I was confirmed!

    I converted 5 years ago, a couple years before I met my husband. I was …17 when I decided to become Catholic. I was raised protestant, Assembly of God and I just noticed some things didn’t add up, mainly: “Communion just a symbol”…that “symbol” part just didn’t compute…so I started researching Catholicism…and I was hooked.

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:

    Let’s see… Me in a nutshell….: Love kids, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, child-led weaning, baby-wearing (sling), co-sleeping (family bed). Would love to homeschool…

    Me too!!! To all of the above. I am such a natural freak, except that I’m Catholic 110%.

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:

    Not big on: Parents, Parenting, Baby Talk, American Baby, or even Mothering. I did prefer Mothering a great deal, but they made one too many political remarks that I could not support, let alone agree with so I cancelled on principle!

    I was thinking about getting Mothering a while ago. But before I contribute $30 to a magazine, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t “bad”. So I checked out their forums…um…they have a “queer parenting” forum and it was waaaaaaaaay too much for me. In NO WAY could I support that magazine.

    What I don’t understand is how some people say they are sooo natural, BUT they contracept. Hmm…not very natural to me!

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:

    We are big on discipline and have very well-behaved, yet very happy, smiley, and friendly children. I often get comments on their behavior and how happy they seem. Other mothers have even begun to ask me for advice discipline and how I “do it”.

    Do you recommend any books on parenting/discipline? What’s your secret? My parents did the “empty threat method”. Not gonna do that. Any advice in a nut shell? I want to do my homework before my kid is old enough to make me go crazy and then I’m no prepared.

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:

    I welcome any questions or comments on any of my posts. I love discussion and debate. I feel this is how we learn! I feel you should learn something every day! That’s one of the meanings and joys of life, is learning! And I tend to babble!!! (both verbally and on posts) 8O

    Me too…as you can see…I go on and on and on. Gotta get my 25,000 words a day in!

    #2858

    sahm-o-my
    Member

    @Elisa wrote:

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:
    LOVE Labor and Delivery!!! I go natural and love every minute of it!!! (though it doesn’t last long) There is a secret to it, and a lot of the reason I love it is I am good at it.

    I’ve only had #1 so far, but had him ALL natural. It was great. What was your secret?[/qupte]The book by Robert Bradley Husband Coached Child Birth was a tremendous eye-opener! Then, I took Bradley Childbirth classes instead of Lamaze. 12 weeks full of great information! That was for my first child 8 years ago. I was induced for his birth, and still went natural. The doctors and staff thought I was “nuts”, but I did it and they were impressed. The next two births were a sinch and I popped those two out. In fact, with my 3rd baby, the midwife came in out came the baby in 15 minutes, and she thanked me for letting her “watch”! My husband is a family physician who used to deliver babies. He has always been very proud of me and said I “kick butt” when delivering. He’d love to video me and show it to moms-to-be as a “text-book example” of how to give birth. He doesn’t deliver babies, anymore. The relaxation techniques taught in the Bradley method were wonderful and I’ve gotten so good at it, that they came in very, very useful for the emergancy C-section I had to save our 4th child. All should go well with our 5th, though.

    @Elisa wrote:

    Assembly of God and I just noticed some things didn’t add up, mainly: “Communion just a symbol”…that “symbol” part just didn’t compute…so I started researching Catholicism…and I was hooked.

    Interesting! There are many Catholics out there that have a problem with the body and blood being real. I actually just learned this whole concept a few months ago at a church program (GIFT: Generations In Faith Together… the whole family comes for dinner, presentation, then split off into age appropriate learning groups, then back, again, for anothe presentation; all with a Catholic theme). I’ve never really known that there was a difference in how churches viewed communion. Now, it simply amazes me. The Bible does state that Faith the size of a Mustard Seed can move mountains. Why can’t truely believing that it is the body and blood of Christ at Communion make it so?! I can totally accept that! In my heart and Know and believe that.

    I didn’t have a very good Catholic education before converting. But, our current Catholic church is simply wonderful in educating the parish adults, and children, allike. They’ve set up so many programs and groups and talks, etc. We’ve had our new head priest for three years, now, and he has brought amazing changes to our parish. Our numbers were really dwindling, before he came, and they even eliminated one of our masses. Now, masses are all full, new members are joining like crazy, and the whole community (outside of the church) is really getting involved in our programs, as well. WE got a new principal for our school 2 years ago, and she is really a devoted Catholic! Our school religious studies, school masses, and religious celebrations have really picked up. The church and school do a LOT to involve families in every way they can and it is simply wonderful! I am learning right along with my children and loving it!

    @Elisa wrote:

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:
    Let’s see… Me in a nutshell….: Love kids, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, child-led weaning, baby-wearing (sling), co-sleeping (family bed). Would love to homeschool…

    Me too!!! To all of the above. I am such a natural freak, except that I’m Catholic 110%.

    I’ve been finding a lot more moms who are Catholic seem to be more like me than those who are simply Christian! It’s amazing. Whenever I’m in a group of Catholic moms, especially my Rosary group (Christian Family Forum), they are the most attached, gentle, and careing mothers I have met, and very accepting of how I parent and very non-judgemental, and more times than not, they are very similar in their parenting style. When I come across groups of just Christian (usually non-specific or even Anti-Catholic Christians), they seem to really fall for the mainstream parenting techniques and some of the least gentle methods. Not to create a stereo-type, but through these experiences, it really has shown me that Caholicism is really where I belong!

    @Elisa wrote:

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:
    I did prefer Mothering a great deal, but they made one too many political remarks that I could not support, let alone agree with so I cancelled on principle!

    I was thinking about getting Mothering a while ago. But before I contribute $30 to a magazine, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t “bad”. So I checked out their forums…um…they have a “queer parenting” forum and it was waaaaaaaaay too much for me. In NO WAY could I support that magazine.

    Actually, that was one of the BIG reasons I cancelled. They had made a statement in the magazine about gay parenting. That was the final straw! Comment in previous issues had rubbed me the wrong way, but I had tried to give them the benefit of the doubt… guess I shouldn’t have. It was a very hard thing to give up, and I really missed the magazine for a while, but now, I feel so good about the decision and I’ve heard other mothers make similar comments. In fact, my husband was talking with a co-worker who commented on being disappointed by a few Mothering articles and he suggested she do what I did and explained. I know several “all natural” mothers who have cancelled, or simply not renewed, as well.

    @Elisa wrote:

    What I don’t understand is how some people say they are sooo natural, BUT they contracept. Hmm…not very natural to me!

    I’m more “gentle” parent than “natural” though I try to “err” on the side of natural. I agree with your statement, though. I think it’s more “lazy human” than “natural parent”, though! :lol: If it were up to us we’d keep having children until I went through menopause… however, each pregnancy gets worse and worse for me, physically. I simply cannot keep up with the house, the kids, and the discipline. Our kids get nuts, the house falls apart, and I am exausted and frustrated. Our relationship is strained –more than usual, anyhow– and we start to count down the months, then weeks, until the baby is born. But, then I have a newborn and have to give her a lot of attention the first few months. So, it amounts to about a year of absolute chaos in our home. DH can’t handle much more chaos, and my body simply can’t handle more children. :cry: We’ve agreed this is the last, and I’m having my tubes tied right after she is born. I think dh is actually afraid that if we have more, one of them could actually kill me. I have a little of that fear, as well. There is always adoption and many children out there need very stable, loving homes like ours. Otherwise, we just let each child come on their own, whenever I conceived, I conceived. We love being parents and having children. I’m a tad bit torn on the tubes-thing, but I know it’s the best thing for our family and that’s what’s important. Like I was called to be Catholic for years, and never did well in college, because I felt called to be a mother and wife, I am starting to feel the call to be an adoptive parent. So, I do feel that this is the right choice, or, perhaps, the better choice.

    @Elisa wrote:

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:
    We are big on discipline and have very well-behaved, yet very happy, smiley, and friendly children. I often get comments on their behavior and how happy they seem. Other mothers have even begun to ask me for advice discipline and how I “do it”.

    Do you recommend any books on parenting/discipline? What’s your secret?

    Oh, yes! The book that really got us rolling and had an answer for every question we had: The Discipline Book by Sears (Dr. William & Martha Sears) also, their NightTime Parenting[u] was a great help, as well. I still have the first book. I haven’t referred to it in a while, but it’s the one book I simply don’t want to part with! I am so used to referring to it so often that I never thought I wouldn’t use it. I haven’t in 3 years, as I remember and still follow the advice, and we have developed our own style. Basically the book is for parenting children from birth to age 5, and those are the “most important years” according to dozens of sources on everything and anything relating to children! And, boy!!! Do we believe it! Now that our oldest two are 8 and 6, it really shows! All that work– especially in the toddler years– has really paid off! And it’s been much less work on the 3rd child, as she has them as roll models.
    @Elisa wrote:

    My parents did the “empty threat method”. Not gonna do that. Any advice in a nut shell?

    Well, what I always tell people (those who ask “How do you do it?” when shocked at how many kids we have, and those who ask, “What’s your secret?” when seeing how well-behaved our children are.) is discipline and consistancy!!! Those are the two keys! We start as soon as they are getting into things. Even a young infant pulling on mommy’s hair while breastfeeding, “Not for NAME”, and redirect the hand. By the time they are crawling, they undestand the “Not for NAME” warning. When they get it in their heads to continue, then we start with the time-outs. Our method is 1 minute for every year of age (to the point that 2 years and 3 months gets 2 min. 15 seconds, 1/2 years get 30 seconds, etc.). This has worked wonderfully! Their first time-out is always the hardest, as you have to sit, hold them on your lap, hold down their arms and hug them tightly, with their back to you, so they know it’s not play time and that you are serious. You do this to the child a few times, each time they disobey and they start to get the hint, big time!!! Our oldest had his first time out at about 18 months, our second at 6 months!!!! (she was trouble!!!!) our third at about 13 months. We would simply count to 3. They get three warning, essentially. You say, “Not for NAME”, redirect the behavior, and say, “That’s 1″. Then it happens again, you do the same thing and say, “That’s 2″. IT happens again, you say “That’s 3″ and they get the time-out. By the time they are 2 or a little older, they understand that they sit until you say it’s time to get up. We do not say, 1 1/2, 2 1/2, 2 3/4, or any of that stretching. It’s one, then they continue, it’s two, and if they continue past that, it’s 3 and they sit. No excuses. They sit!

    Then we have a few rules that are “instant time-outs”. It’s: “You hit, You Sit!” And if you kick, we say, “kicking is hitting with your foot. And what’s the rule?! ‘You hit, you sit’” Lying is cause for straight to your room to think about it! And they stay in there a while.

    When they do something wrong to a sibling that got them the time-out (such as hitting or something else), after the time out, the offender apologizes, the “victim” forgives (Biblical concepts), and they hug and say, “I love you”. There are times when two or three have all had to apologize to each other, all forgive, and all hug and say, “I love you”. After all time outs, we always reassure them we love them, hug them and ask if they understood the reason for the time out, and discuss it with them a bit. More serious offenses require more discussion, of course.

    Oh, number one thing in our household!!! R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! Anyone sasses a parent or is disrespectful, younger ones get a big time out, older ones go straight to their rooms. No discussion!!!! The more they object and complain and carry on, the longer the time out or room time becomes. **WE have NO TVs, computers, or video games in thier rooms, and never will!!!** They have some toys in their rooms, but not a lot, and playing with those toys can help them relax, settle down, and think about what happened. But, they don’t shut themselves off from us.

    Now, we don’t punish for things that require learning from consequences. It drives me nuts when parents spank or punish for spilt milk (literally) or accidents of most sorts. They are accidents!!! and by nature, can’t be helped. We simply teach our children to first tell us, then as they get older, we teach them to clean it up. And, my 3-year-old knows how to get a towel and clean up a spill! So, they don’t need to be that old!!! Now, for accidents that happen because they did something they weren’t supposed to be doing… we punish them properly for what they did wrong, but not for the accident. Though we make a big deal out of explaining that’s one of the reasons you aren’t allowed to do that… see what happened?!

    Consistancy is the big KEY!!!! And, if we say something, then change our mind, or they try to wear us down, we stick to our guns. My niece has her mother’s number. She simply begs and begs and begs until “no” turns into “yes”. Once we say, “no” it stays, “no”. Once in a while… once in a very great while, mom and dad discuss something and the “no” can become a “yes” with some “restrictions” or at least “much explanation on why the answer was changed” (like, mommy didn’t understand, or daddy didn’t realize what you meant, or we discussed it and mommy didn’t realize this about it, or that). We are always honest, truthful, and respectful towards each other and our children, so we expect them to be, as well.

    If one parent says, “no” then they go ask the other parent, and we find out! OH, Boy!!! That’s disrespect and that’s an instant time-out, or room time (age dependent) and the answer is definintely a “NO!” afterwards! Our older two learned that lesson really well, rather quickly, so they sometimes make a very important choice on which parent to ask, when asking something! (Dad allows more video games, dad refers most food & snack questions to mom, dad’s more likely to share his treats or give out a piece of candy, etc.)

    @Elisa wrote:

    I want to do my homework before my kid is old enough to make me go crazy and then I’m no prepared.

    Good for you! I looked at a lot of parenting books, but the two above were the ones I used and read! Everything else seemed cruel, against my instincts, too technical or complicated (parenting is really easy if you give it a chance), and many were too deep into psychology and underlying reasons for behavior… I am soooo not going to psycho-analyze my kids!!! They change half that stuff every 6 months, anyhow, and everyone has a different opinion!!!

    Babbling…

    @Elisa wrote:

    @SAHM-O-MY wrote:
    I welcome any questions or comments on any of my posts. I love discussion and debate. I feel this is how we learn! I feel you should learn something every day! That’s one of the meanings and joys of life, is learning! And I tend to babble!!! (both verbally and on posts) 8O

    Me too…as you can see…I go on and on and on. Gotta get my 25,000 words a day in!

    I think we are going to get along soooo well! :lol:

    #2859

    johnson8
    Member

    Dear SAHM-OH-MY,
    You wrote:

    I’m a tad bit torn on the tubes-thing, but I know it’s the best thing for our family and that’s what’s important.

    Please pray about this. Perhaps your being torn is telling you that this isn’t the way to go.
    You also wrote:

    I simply cannot keep up with the house, the kids, and the discipline. Our kids get nuts, the house falls apart, and I am exausted and frustrated.

    and:

    I have a newborn and have to give her a lot of attention the first few months. So, it amounts to about a year of absolute chaos in our home.

    I can see that you are a bit frustrated and overwhelmed with everything. Is there someone close to you that can perhaps take the children for an hour or two each week so that you can have some time to yourself and get some needed R&R? :)
    Especially being pregnant, I know that you are tired and probably just a bit overwhelmed with the idea of a newborn adding in to everything. From reading your posts I can tell that you are very proud of your beautiful family and I know that people look at you and your children with admiration and love. If you are ‘torn’ about having your tubes tied, please reconsider that decision. Study up on NFP and trust that God will give you and your family exactly what you need. I know that sounds easy but if you really think about it, He won’t give you more than you can handle. Tying your tubes is so permanent. –I know that when I hold my newborn baby in my arms just minutes after birth, I am so overwhelmed with joy–all of the pains and stress on my body that the pregnancy gave me, all of the worries and trouble…so worth it!
    My last pregnancy was very difficult. Many problems. I was in the hospital for 4 days before her birth, dehydrated and very, very sick. My liver, kidneys and pancreas were testing as being not normal (counts I think, I was too sick to really remember) I had torn my esophogus and couldn’t eat or drink anything. Very nauseated. They discharged me on Christmas day around 5:00 pm so that I could be home with my other children for Christmas and about 2 hours after being home my water broke and Sophia Grace was born about 38 minutes after that. (Christmas Day 2005) I was supposed to have a c-section but God had other plans. As it turns out, my OBGYN said that he didn’t think my body would have been able to withstand the surgery and I must have had “God looking down on me”.
    Gave me goosebumps to hear my Doctor say those words.

    You can be certain that He has everything under control. Even during those times where you think nothing is in control.

    Sometimes when my life seems to be spinning out of control, just a walk or some alone time helps put things together for me. I wish we lived closer as my older children would love to help out.
    Well, there’s my 2 cents worth. I can just tell from your posts that you love being a mom and I really want you to pray about decisions you need to make.
    Take care and ‘hugs’ to your little ones.

    #2860

    coley111
    Member

    You sound like a wonderful wife and mother! You are very inspirational for me.

    #2861

    sahm-o-my
    Member

    @coley111 wrote:

    You sound like a wonderful wife and mother! You are very inspirational for me.

    :oops: aw, shucks, thank you. It’s always refreshing to hear this sort of praise!

    #2862

    westcoastmum
    Member

    Hello SAHM-O-MY and welcome!

    And hi everyone!

    I’ve been off the boards for ages, but am having fun tonight and catching up.

    Love all the support for gentle parenting!!!!

    SAHM-O-MY what is your secret for labour? I have three boys (5, nearly 4 and 2) and baby 4 is due in early October. I have very long labours. Pushing is okay and only minutes long. But it’s getting to the pushing that is the challenge….I think I fight the dilation. I’m tall, but small boned and have big babes (all about 4 kg – or 9 lbs) and loooong. Docs/midwife (go with midwife now, but in-hospital birth) say baby’s head is a big askew and my relaxing is important to allow the head to drop fully.

    Will you share what works for you? Am preparing for next labour of course and hoping this is my faster one. First labour was over 24 hrs (and back labour for that little monkey), second about 12, third about 8.

    Best to all,

    Karen

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