gay child

This topic contains 18 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  luvbeinamommy 7 years, 6 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #1938

    krau11
    Member

    Hi,

    I am a lifelong Catholic mom, with 2 teenage sons. My youngest, at 15, has revealed that he is gay. How do I reconcile loving and accepting my son (which I do, no question), with my lifelong beliefs that this is not what God intended for us? I find myself truly questioning my faith – Help!!

    #2577

    momsaint
    Member

    Hello! I can imagine how trying of a time this must be for you. I do not have teenage children yet – my oldest is not quite 9. I think that I may have some information for you though. In a book called Could You Ever Come Back to The Catholic Church by Lorene Hanley Duquin in Chapter 13 – Is there a place for me in the Catholic Church? – there is a question ” What is the current position on gays and lesbians?”. It states ” Today the Church … insists gays and lesbians must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. However… every expression of sexual activity must be open to the possibility of new life, all sexual acts outside of marriage – both heterosexual and homosexual – are considered wrong. As a result, the official Chruch teaching is all gays and lesbians are called to chastity.” It also mentions The National Association Of Catholic Diocesaon Lesbian and Gay Ministries – for info call 510-465-9344, or e-mail NACDLGM@aol.com. Also there is a group called Courage that is reconized by the Catholic Church as an organization for gay and lesbian Catholics because it promotes chasity and uses a 12 step program to help members refrain from sexual activity.

    I know you love your son and always will. I believe that is what the Church wants you to do along with continuing to pray for him and guide him in Church teachings so that he can remain in full Communion. Chasity is not easy for anyone, but all things are possible with prayer.

    I will be praying for your family. Take care and God Bless.

    Erica

    #2578

    krau11
    Member

    Thanks for these valuable resources and your prayers. Praying is difficult right now, but I’m trying….

    #2579

    2sweeties
    Member

    krau11,

    I think you’ve been led in the right direction. I’m glad that you posted so I can pray for you. I’m sorry I cannot offer any advice or other info.

    #2580

    anonymous
    Member

    krau11,
    I don’t really ahve anything to offer you other than prayers. I will be praying for you and your family.

    #2581

    westcoastmum
    Member

    Hello – Lots of prayers of course. If it helps, I have good friends who came out – don’t know each other – one from high school and one from university – and also a relative. All really, really nice men. I always think of Jesus loving the outcasts of society. I love my friends/relative, they love me. Lots of prayers. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Not for me to judge, but to pray. And, my boys are little, but I’m sure that if they did something horrible like commit a crime, I wouldn’t love them any less. I don’t know if that helps, but I also felt conflicted when I found out, and I just love ‘em and pray. Lots of prayers for you, too.

    #2582

    misskitty
    Member

    hi, i just joined and so i am responding to you a year after your post! i don’t know if this is helpful but i wanted to share with you that there have been only 2 men in my life who truly impressed me as christlike: one was a catholic priest and one was a christian gay man. i’m sad to say we lost him in the aids epidemic. i know that when our children are born, we don’t say “gee i hope my son grows up to be gay” but if it happens, i suspect there are much worse things. i believe it was james who was so old he had to be carried into church when he said “if all that you do is love each other, it is enough”. your son really hasn’t changed, only your expectations. he can still love christ, he can still be God’s porchlight in the dark to the world, he can still love his mom, and these days he can even have a family. although at this time that would be outside church law, there was a time when the church was against inter racial marriage or marriage between catholics with other christians. back in the 1930′s, the parish priest and the parish sisters tortured my grandmother’s younger brother and sister when she married a protestant. your son is rather young and may ultimately not choose this lifestyle. if it was me, i would just pray and turn this situation over to God and tell my son how much i love him no matter what.

    #2583

    baptistbelt
    Member

    Love, acceptance, forgiveness. These are christ like actions.

    LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM.

    Personally, I believe he was born that way. A very unpopular belief and probably not a catholic viewpoint.

    Maybe seek counseling for yourself to learn to deal with his homosexuality and how to accept him even though it is in total contradiction with your beliefs.

    I don’t think he can be “cured.” Counseling for him would be good as well to help merge his faith with this problem.

    I hope this helps.

    #2584

    celticspirit
    Member

    @baptistbelt wrote:

    Love, acceptance, forgiveness. These are christ like actions.

    LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM, LOVE HIM.

    Personally, I believe he was born that way. A very unpopular belief and probably not a catholic viewpoint.

    Maybe seek counseling for yourself to learn to deal with his homosexuality and how to accept him even though it is in total contradiction with your beliefs.

    I don’t think he can be “cured.” Counseling for him would be good as well to help merge his faith with this problem.

    I hope this helps.

    My thoughts exactly. Please know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers.

    #2585

    rosannajames
    Member

    I have to disagree! I do not think that anyone is born that way! I think that society is pushing the issue and this is confusing people! A really good site that may be of help is Courage:

    http://couragerc.net/

    I really like what this site has to offer. It discourages giving people labels! I hope it can be of help! God bless!

    Lisa

    #2586

    I think everyone has their battles in life. For some, it is extreme sexual attraction to the opposite sex (pornography, womanizing, etc.), some it is the same sex attraction, for some it is gambling, for some it is attraction to alcohol…we all have demons that we must fight with the help of God. Those of you that talked about chastity are right, the Catholic church believes that we are all to support the sanctity of marriage and the openness to new life.
    One MAIN thing I think you need to look at is his age. 15 is AWFUL young to be labeling himself as to his sexual preference and attraction. Most teenagers ARE confused about their bodies, their feelings, and what is right or wrong. He may have attraction towards a male, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay…a lot of time it is an IMMATURE confusion of role modeling. What that means is, he may be looking for male role models in his life and he feels drawn towards a certain type of man so he feels attracted to them because that is what he wishes to be once he becomes a man in a few years. Therefore, he thinks he is gay. I would be real careful about labeling him as “gay” at such a young age. I’m not saying he isn’t, but there might be something else at the root of his feelings. Teenagers are often confused, embarresed, and hormonal about their bodies. And remember, his brain is not fully developed yet, he is still a child.
    Just love him, as I know you will and pray that God will be his #1 role model in his life.
    Heather

    #2587

    crys
    Member

    This is the situation we all fear… it certainly seems to me that people don’t “choose” to be gay.” The Catholic Church certainly has no rule against being gay, but they do have a problem with gay sex. Maybe this is why we have the “gay priest” problem. Gays feel that celibacy is their only option if they are CAtholic.
    I know several gay couples (all but married) who just go on attending mass, feeling that in their hearts God isn’t going to punish them for being who they are and living a monogomous lifestyle just as if they were married.
    I think that if I have a son who turns out gay, I will just tell him that I want him having the same level of morality that I woudl expect of him as a straight person… NO PROMISCUITY, and no sexual activity until he is for all practical purposes, married.
    Knowing what I do about male sexuality, I could never tell my son that I expected him to be celibate. Men need sexual release like they need food. It’s just a fact. I’m definitely one of those people who believes that forcing celibacy on priests is what caused the molestation epidemic.
    One of my gay friends even sings in the choir at a CAtholic church and is a very respectable physician. He, in his mind, is married to his partner. No priest is ever going to confront your son… he just needs to have peace in his own heart.

    Good luck to you, and remember it’s probably better he came out than lived a life that was a lie.

    #2588

    crys
    Member

    Speaking as a high school teacher and as a person who has been 15, I do believe that a 15 year old knows exactly what he/she is attracted to. I’ve been in love with boys since Kindergarten. I’m sure gay people have attraction to the same sex for basically their entire lives also. I’ve also had many gay friends throughout school, and it was something people could just sense, even in the 8th grade.

    The situation you don’t want is what happened in my church– a mom of 4 left her husband to become her true self– a lesbian, leaving the husband without wife and kids and really confusing those kids.

    #2589

    rosannajames
    Member

    Just because people claim to be gay, does not make it right! Many people are being deceived today!

    I will share with you some very interesting information that is from the book: The Amazing Secret of the Souls in Purgatory

    http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-Secret-Souls-Purgatory-Interview/dp/1579180043

    It states in this book that Homosexuality is from the evil one and everyone must do all they can to stay away from it. I have the book loaned out at this time so I don’t have the exact wording. I will share it wih you all when I get it back!

    The Catechism of the Catholic Church also calls homosexuality a Morally Intrinsic Disorder.

    God bless!

    #2590

    crys
    Member

    I was certain that I read that people were allowed to be gay and CAtholic, they just weren’t allowed to “act” on their desires. Am I wrong?

    Thanks for the book rec!

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Comments are closed.