Forcing Children to Hug & Kiss Grandparents

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  josie 8 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #2030

    josie
    Member

    I am happy to say that as of yet, my DH & I have not had too many problems when it comes to disciplining EXCEPT for 1 issue:

    My MIL always tells my DD (2 yrs.) to give her a hug & kiss when she sees her (which is everyday) and when my DD doesn’t, my MIL makes a face (like a child), obviously showing discontent to my DD. My DD isn’t stupid and sees that she gets a rise out of my MIL. EVERY time I’ve witnessed this, I have corrected my DD and told her, “You give your Tita a kiss, we are learning manners.” To me, at 2 yrs. old I feel it’s ok to make her do it b/c it’s evident – from the way my MIL reacts – that it’s a power struggle thing between my 2 yr. old & my MIL. Even though, I have correct DD everytime, I mean everytime, months later this is still going on & frankly I’m sick of dealing w/2 children! Anyone have any suggestions on curbing this? (My DH has spoken to his mom about it and told her not to react that way but as the saying goes, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.) I’m ready to give up and let my DD refuse! Yikes – that’s mean! Any advice?

    #3130

    roo94
    Member

    In our family, we don’t make our children hug or kiss other family members….not even grandparents. We do this to reinforce in our children that their bodies are their own….and no matter who it is…. adult/relative/friend….cannot make them do something with their body that they are uncomfortable with. What we tell them is that if they don’t want to hug or give a kiss, then to politely extend a hand for a handshake…though not even that is mandatory. Family members must understand that it is for the well being of the child that they have complete control over their physical affections. When we first decided this, both sets of grandparents weren’t happy…but completely understood and were supportive. It’s sad, but necessary in this day and age…..even among relatives. If I were you, I’d simply explain to the grandparents that you are not forcing your children to give physical affections unless the child wants to….to reinforce in them that only they have control over who they give hugs/kisses to. In the beginning, they’ll use it to get a rise out of the grandparents…LOL. But if the grandparent acts in agreement and understanding, it will be shortlived and the affections will come freely and because the child wants to….not because they have to. And isn’t it nicer to receive affection when you know its from someone who WANTS to give it? Well, I hope this helps. :D

    #3131

    josie
    Member

    I guess I should clarify, it’s not that my daughter doesn’t want to hug & kiss her grandmother. She does this voluntarily at other times. The only time she doesn’t is when her grandmother asks for a hug & kiss. Like I said, it is definitely a control thing, not that she’s uncomfortable… The bigger issue is trying to counteract a 2yr. old’s attempt at controlling a situation.

    roo94, you’re definitely right about allowing children to have their own protective/natural barriers. I am totally against forcing my children to do this with strangers but at 2 yrs. old, I am always there to monitor the situation.

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