When people ask how many children you have, how do you respond? I think it would be nice to say something like “2 living, one in heaven,” but that doesn’t seem appropriate because I had an early loss at 6 weeks and therefore was unable to baptize the baby. I would like to acknowledge my deceased child somehow, but bringing up the fact that I miscarried seems to make people feel uncomfortable or that I am asking for pity. I just can’t seem to find the right words to say. Any advice?
I usually say that I now have 2 boys and I lost my first child before he was born. I know many who say I have had 9 children and 4 were lost to miscarriage. I think it is more about how you feel. I think it is wonderful you want to acknowledge your baby. I am sorry for your loss and may God bless you and your family.
I usually just mention the kids that I have at home. If the conversation allows it, I will mention the ones that I lost.
I’ve seen at times when I try to mention something about my infertility or my losses that the person I’m chatting with will just “check out”. It’s like they just don’t care. So, instead of putting myself in that position, I won’t mention my precious losses unless I know I’m speaking with someone who truly cares or could be impacted by my experience.
I’ve heard many mothers handle it many different ways. There are some parents that will include all their children in the number and if a person asks further, they will say that they have “x” amount at home and “y” amount that were losses. I personally don’t handle it that way because I’ve had so many losses that it would be a nightmare for me when more questions were asked.
Lastly, I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve had to experience the loss of a child. Please know my prayers are with you.
If I am at a moms group where everyone is chatting and we are all getting to know each other, then I will say, I have 2 boys but I miscarried a child in between them. If I am just in line at the grocery store and the clerk asks if I have any kids I will say “Yes, 2 boys, their ages are 4 and 1″. So I guess it depends on the environment.
I am amazed at how many women have gone through this once you do start talking about it in social situations.
God bless you.