December 4, 2008 at 7:27 pm #2260
I’ve been feeling so distant from my husband reciently and I don’t know what to do about it. I think it’s related to a decision we made reciently to not have any more children. Let me explain
We got pregnany unexpectedly twice only our middle daughter was “planned” . Reciently while I was pregnant with our third child (our son Jamie) we were debating what to do as far as birthcontroll wis afterwards. We are both catholic and knew we didn’t want to use and artificial form like the pill because of obvious religious moral issues surrounding birth controll. And NFP wasn’t working for us because I have such an irregular cycle it’s extreemly dificult to track. Finances have been tight since or oldest started attending a provate catholic school in our area and more kids would be a financial disaster for us. Also on top of everything this was my third c-section and we wern’t sure exactly how much scar tissue I had and what m body could handle.
So we made the decision to have a tubal ligation performed while I was in surgery for my c section. I had doubts about it, wonderign if it was a sin to not have our marriage open to more children, wondering if i was trule ready to not have more kids etc.. but didn’t feel comfortable talking to our priest. He’s new and has only been at our church for a month. Our old priest left reciently due to a new assignment. Anyways, so we had the surgery and had a tubal ligation performed during the birth of our son.
And ever since then I’ve been sad, not postpardum sad, just wishful and wondering that I maybe made the wrong decision. I’m worried that I’ve commited a sin in our marriage. I’m worried that each act of love will not be open to more children and I’m scared that I’m defying God’s will. I’m worried that now everytime I make love to my husband that I’m also sinning against god.
Anyways now I’m feeling so distant from my husband. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he just replies that this is the decision we made and not to worry about it. I feel angry at him and I’m not sure why. I feel like I don’t want to make love to him at all, and I feel like there is a closeness that is missing now. He’s a realy great husband and I love him so much but inside I feel like I’m being riped farther away from him. I feel like a part of me is missing now. We can’t afford to have to operation reversed. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want this issue to tear us apart. And I want to feel close to him again. Any advise that anyone could give I’ve very much apprechiate. Thanks.December 12, 2008 at 8:37 pm #3967
You aren’t sinning I’m sure.. I know of a woman who had the same procedure as you… she also felt the same and asked her priest who told her its not a sin because of her health issues. You are being responsible and also because of your c-sections another baby may be an issue. Sweety you are NOT sinning. I could drag out a heap of scriptures and etc but I’m sure you aren’t. I have a priest I’m close to who I can ask if you like and post back.December 16, 2008 at 4:13 am #3968
I hope so. I’d love it if you could double check with your preist. I know there are scriptures that take abotu being resonsible parents and taking care of the children you have, not biting off more then you can chew etc, i just wish I could find them to read on some of these tougher days, mind draging some up for me?January 16, 2009 at 1:14 am #3969
You definitely should talk to your priest. It’s sad your previous priest has transferred, but I believe you should trust in your new priest. He may be able to help you more than you know. As for birth control, NFP or the Rhythm method is truly the only acceptable form, but what is done is done and speaking to your priest could be REALLY healing. You do have to move on, esp. with things you can’t change.
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