Dealing with others comments on NFP

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  lily 3 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #2055

    I have recently become Catholic and DH is cradle Catholic and we have a huge belief in the sacrament of Marriage and being open to new life but our society seems so counteractive of this concept. Everybody I run into is like, “Which one of you is getting fixed?” or “You know if you have more kids you won’t ever have time for your own life”. The most hurtful comes from my family…”I sure hope you don’t have more than two kids.” And it’s not because I am not a good mother, in fact, everyone always says how much time I spend with my kiddos and how devoted I am, even homeschooling them, and I have a great marriage as well, and if I have more kids “it will ruin it all.”
    I guess I’m just so sad because what I believe in my heart to be such a blessed event is seen in such a negative light to other people.
    Can those of you who have been in the situation help? I especially don’t know what to say to family members who are not Catholic :(

    Thanks!
    Heather
    Mommy to 2 wonderful blessings and 1 angel baby

    #3220

    I just found this on another board and kind of answered my own question. Feel free to add any more if you’d like! I hope the poster doesn’t mind me re-posting her answers :D

    Here are some great comebacks!

    You have your hands full!
    Yes, happily so!
    Yes, and my heart too.
    Don’t say anything, just look puzzled at your hands. (This does obviously not work if you are carrying a baby :-)
    Yes, but I would rather have my hands full than empty!

    Are they all yours?
    No, I just went to Rent-a-Brat.
    No, this is not all of them, my oldest is at home with the triplets.
    No, actually two are the mailman’s and I am not sure whose is that one…..
    We always say YES, because they are OURS….but actually 3 bio, 1 niece, 2 adopted and 4 foster!! But ours in our eyes!!
    No, a couple of them starting following us a few minutes ago. — This is especially funny when you look at your kids and realize that one of them really ISN’T yours — he had just started following you and you didn’t notice before…
    No, I picked up a couple extra in the produce aisle.
    Gee, I never heard that question before!
    Yes they are! And then one of the boys will pipe up and mention the 21 yo and the 18 yo if they are not there and of course the baby on the way!
    Of course they’re all mine. Do you think I take six (or fill in your number) kids shopping for fun?
    “Legally” first 3 are his & last 3 are ours, I feel in my heart they are all ours…..
    Technically,the oldest 2 are his, the next 2 are mine and the youngest 2 are ours, but we are all just one big happy family (most of the time)LOL, because they all live with us.
    YES!
    Yes, they are all ours. We have been married for 22 years, but only have 11 kids to show for it.
    No……….I have two more at home! (When it fits)
    Well no they are not all ” OURS” but in our hearts they are……
    Yes, and they’re such good kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the kids love that one!)
    Of course they are..wait..who is that one?Hes not ours…..oh,yeah,#5,I forgot I had him.
    I don’t know. How many do you count?
    Yes. But if you have any you don’t want, I’ll gladly take them, too
    i’m pregnant. I gave this response. Yes, and this one (pointed to my belly) is too.
    No. I’ve been an avid collector for years and just picked these up in the food court!
    Yes, at least that’s what I tell my husband.

    Most of the time I only have my 7 youngest ones with me, so when someone asks this, I say yes and one of the younger ones will say and there are 4 more. Then we wait to see how long it takes to add 7+4. Then you should see the looks we get.

    While I was still in hospital after having our 5th, visiting hours were over and we were all standing near the elevator, I was holding the newest and the others were all crowded around, (they ranged from 2ys to 14y) a young girl (early 20s) was trying to wade through the crowd and said “are they all yours?” to which we responded “yes”, she then pointed to my still rather large belly and said “and you are having another one?” less than 24 hours after having given birth! I think not!! anyway we had a good laugh. (cbrouse23)
    Are you going to have more?
    Yes, we just enjoy sex soooooo much!
    Why do you want to know?
    Well, not today.
    We are trying to get into the Genisus Book of World Records of (add whatever here) most kids, largest family living in one house, etc.
    OH YES! I want to have a family bigger then the one in my favorite movie “Yours, Mine & Ours!” only (add a # here) to beat the 19 they had!!
    Yes, I always want just one more.
    Well, we do have a twelve passenger van.
    Check back in nine months and you’ll see for yourself.
    Don’t you know what causes that?
    No, please tell me!
    Of course, don’t you?
    Yes, we do know what causes that and we like it very much, thank you.
    Oh yes, we finally figured it out and we now keep the tooth brushes in seperate glasses!
    Oh yes, I now wash my husband’s underwear seperately.
    Oh yes, having a great sex life!
    Water or sex but I don’t want to give up either.
    Smile brightly and say with enthusiasm “Yes and we like it!”
    You bet I do……love, love, love ( & sex, sex, sex…..hehehe…….)
    Yes! So don’t get too close to me!
    It’s in the water. Would you like a glass?
    Yes and I know WHO causes it! God gave us these children!
    Yes I do……..cold winter nights………
    LOVE! An overabundance of love!!
    Yes,and as you only have two kids obviously you dont do it much.
    Yes, and it is something I am very good at…
    Of course, and the Lord has greatly blessed us!
    A strong husband/wife relationship, big hearts, and the Lord’s blessing.
    Are you going to get fixed?
    Nope, I am not broken!
    Why do you want to know?
    Huh, we thought everything was working fine for us!?!
    We didn’t know anything was broken.
    Don’t you only fix things that aren’t working properly?
    Well as you can see be the size of OUR family everything is in working order. :) (You have to say this last one with the kinda “I’m not to bright so your question seems kinda foolish don’t you think?” attitude.
    I can’t believe how you do it, I cannot even handle my two!
    Yes, if I had kids like you, I wouldn’t have any more either!
    Yes, you don’t strike me as the type who could handle more kids than that.
    I do it like most people, in bed and after the kids are sleeping.
    I put knobs on the kids. Makes them easier to handle.
    Everyone has 24 hours in a day, it is just how you use it…nt
    With lots of patience, patience, patience
    go and look at them while they’re sleeping. This reminds me of what sweet children of God they are and keeps me going!
    Oh, I just do it. Wake up in the morning, do what you have to do all day, go to bed when it’s done. nt
    Pick your battles carefully. It helps to have selective sight and hearing!
    Don’t sweat the small stuff.
    (this is a good one for chat rooms) Oh, straight jackets and handcuffs!
    Are you planning to have any more?
    I’ve been wondering about this and maybe you can explain it to me: I always thought you had to plan NOT to have more.
    Before we were married we planned on having 2, but I didn’t know that my husband couldn’t count!
    We didn’t plan the first six, I don’t think we’ll plan the next six, either.
    I hope you aren’t planning to have anymore?!?
    You mean, I just figured out what I’m really, really good at, and you’re telling me to stop doing it?
    Talk to God about it… it’s up to Him.
    Well, we do have room in our van for 2 more.
    OK, I won’t plan my next one. Surprises can be fun!
    Yup we are going to keep going till we get an ugly one.
    Haven’t you heard of birth control?
    Yes, and I thank God it doesn’t always work!
    Yes, I’ve heard of it, I hope you are using it!
    (for dad) Yes, but I just can’t find a rubber that will fit me!
    Yes, that’s great stuff for people with ugly kids!
    Oh yes, we do know what birth control is; it’s for people who don’t want children.
    Don’t you have a television?
    Yes, but we only get X-rated channels
    Yes! Did you know there are 28 porn channels in this area?
    No, we have much better things to do at night!
    Yes 4 of them. Why?
    How can you afford having so many?
    Lifestyles are expensive not kids.
    We’re not on welfare, in huge amounts of debt, and no, my husband is not a doctor or lawyer. We just budget well.
    I figure you spend what you make, you may as well spend it on more.
    ” You don’t know my financial backer!” (Our God, of course)
    I’m still not sure how we do it…but it works!
    Look at that double trouble! (for twins)
    No, they are double blessings!
    I am glad it is you and not me! Yes, me too!
    My kids are glad it’s me and not you too! ;-)
    Oh me too! I love being a mother! and smile real BIG!
    Do you get any time for yourselves?
    Obviously we get a little time to ourselves, or we wouldn’t have six kids.
    Did you give birth to all of them?
    Yes, I gave birth to them all. Do you really believe the stork dropped them off?
    Yes, in my heart…… (for adoptive parents)
    When people just keep staring at your family….
    Yes, they all are mine!
    No, we don’t try to overpopulate the earth, just to outnumber the idiots!
    Haven’t You Had That Baby YET?!!?
    “YES. This is the NEXT ONE!!!!!!!!” See if that don’t make their jaws drop!

    #3221

    julka
    Member

    These are hilarious!!!
    My hubby and I had a nice chuckle out of these, thanks for sharing!

    Julia

    #3222

    anewlight07
    Member

    Ooof! I’m just beginning the process of RCIA but I always felt that sex is about life. So, NFP is a natural fit for us, actually. My DH who is still floating in agnostic-land is actually on the same page on this as well (though this hasn’t ALWAYS been the case).

    We just recently learned that we are expecting our 4th (our 3rd was still born and we have 2 living children). At the news we heard “Oh, you’re doing that again? I thought you were done.” and “Did you plan for this?” and “How do you feel about it?” and “Are you getting your tubes tide/a vasectomy after this?” etc. etc.

    So, Catholic or not, our society is DEFINITELY not child-friendly. A first child is acceptable, a second one pushing the envelope a little, but third, forth and beyond is just too much for the average American to wrap their brain around. :roll: I don’t understand it.

    As a matter of fact, during my pregnancy with my SECOND child at the ripe “old” age of 22, my MIL was giving me sterilization pamphlets!!!!!!!

    AND YET, when women in the extended family, etc., have In-Vitro and end up having 3 kids at ONCE with complications and at an advanced maternal age everyone says “oh, what a blessing!” “how wonderful!” “they deserve it!”

    Now, I’m not going to say they “don’t deserve it” but…I’m just wondering why IVF makes them so special and “God” blessed…and those of us that actively try to have/want to have more than one child at the more fertile time of our life….we’re somehow contributing to overpopulation? Irresponsible?

    I just DO NOT understand it. Catholic or not, I just don’t think our society likes people procreating so much as they like them fornicating. :(

    #3223

    julka
    Member

    Hi anewlight07,

    I think you’re gonna like RCIA – I’ve attended it from Sept 2004-Easter Vigil 2005 and it was a very interesting course, with a lot of support for those who need it. I am glad your hubby is on a similar mindset hehe.

    You’re sooo right about the in-vitro thing, people feel so sorry for those who cannot have kids naturally, but those who can and do are somehow crazy and out of their minds. Kids are never a blessing if you have more than 2, it’s just so sad.

    Good luck with the course!!

    Julia

    #3224

    jamieanne
    Member

    My hubby & I have one son and one daughter, and I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, “you have the perfect family”! I always want to ask, “What do you mean by ‘perfect’”–after all, they don’t know what goes on in our house & our lives–but I know that they mean that we conform to society’s expectations of what a family “should” be.

    But I know several families with six or more children that seem to be very happy and healthy. The parents actually spend time with the children (often homeschooling them), and the children grow up learning to share and get along with others. I always try to say something positive and encouraging to the parents, to let them know that I support their awesome decision to raise a large family.

    Instead of saying something like, “Are those all yours?”, I say, “Wow–Christmas must be fun at your house!”, or “You are SO blessed!”

    Parenting is such a challenge nowadays that we need to remember to encourage and uplift one another instead of criticizing. I love those humorous responses to the rude things people say–it’s just too bad that so many people think it’s their business how many blessings a couple feels led to have :)

    #3225

    lynnt
    Member

    @jamieanne wrote:

    My hubby & I have one son and one daughter, and I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, “you have the perfect family”! I always want to ask, “What do you mean by ‘perfect’”–after all, they don’t know what goes on in our house & our lives–but I know that they mean that we conform to society’s expectations of what a family “should” be.

    I get the same thing! And then sometimes, “Oh good, now you can be done.” Excuse me, but it’s not like I’m asking THEM to raise and support my children :roll:

    Ignore the dissenters. If you feel bold enough, tell them it’s really none of their business and you put your trust in God.

    (((HUGS)))

    #3226

    #3227

    johnson8
    Member

    Catholic for Life,
    Please share where we can purchase the t-shirts! They are fantastic!

    #3228

    They are actually available through my work. http://www.catholictothemax.com

    I’m usually there every day, but today I had to come home early to watch my little one while my husband attends his classes for his BA at FUS.

    http://www.catholicposters.com/shop/search.php?searchName=1&searchQuery=b4

    #3229

    johnson8
    Member

    Thank you for the link.

    #3230

    Love your products, Catholicforlife!

    Heather

    #3231

    rosannajames
    Member

    I agree with the person who said this:

    it’s just too bad that so many people think it’s their business how many blessings a couple feels led to have

    God is in control of our family size. We have 11 children and I love each one of them and could not imagine life without them! I think that God is amazing to trust me with so many! Yes at times it is challenging but He is seeing us through.

    I think it is very rude when people make comments about whether we’re done etc…!

    I believe that some people say things because they are trying to justify whatever means they are using that is not in conformity with the church.

    God bless!

    Lisa

    #3232

    beckyjo519
    Member

    I am very tired of hearing “So you’re done now, right?” I only have 3 little boys (older brother and twins)! Why is it that people are so shocked when I say that next time I hope I get a little girl or that we’re not done and no we’re not trying for anymore right now, maybe in about a year. Is it so wrong to have more than 2 or 3 kids? I also get “My your hands are full!” a lot too. I saw a shirt once that I would like to get – Yes, my hands are full but so is my heart.

    The hard thing is convincing my siblings that NFP is really good and really the only way to go – we were trying not to get pregnant when the twins were conceived. So yes, NFP works great – if you follow the charting – we didn’t follow our charting. *Sigh* hopefully we can still get the point across on how good NFP really is and how bad birth control is.

    #3233

    lily
    Member

    Seems like society tries to discourage family in all ways. I only have one child. Hubby got fixed after one. I had not come back to the Church yet at that point. I was depressed about our decision to do that, but at the time thought we couldn’t afford any more kids. In reality, we can’t. But it’s still always upset me.

    I guess you can either ignore people who say these things to you, or tell them you are grateful we live in a free country, and maybe that will shut them up?? Good luck. And at least you know God is on your side.

    (is this forum still active? I just joined. Seems like most posts are not recent at all…..anyone still post regularly here?)

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