Conflicted on birth control….

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This topic contains 30 replies, has 20 voices, and was last updated by  vinnyslady 7 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #2833

    stcatherine
    Member

    I understand your strain. I, too, am pregnant and very uncomfortable, etc. That is why I am up at 3am on this forum. :lol:

    Anyway, the marriage sacrament, in addition to being a human institution is a supernatural instituation. Grace flows to those of us in a vaild sacramental marriage. If we sin against the flesh, the flow of grace stops.

    A friend described sterilization this way…Her husband went out, without her consent, after baby number 4 and got sterilized. She said that she immediately felt herself separated from God. She literally felt the grace sucked out of her marriage even before he told her what he had done.

    We desperately need that grace and it would be ill-advised to intentionally separate ourselves from it.

    My friend’s husband eventually repented and then gradually they both began to mourn the loss of their fertility. It pained them greatly. They prayed for quite sometime and were led to a seek a reversal of the procedure. They didn’t have the money but they continued praying and it was provided. Last I heard they had the procedure and she was expecting baby number 5.

    Everyone I know, even non-catholics, that got sterilized regreted their decision.

    Natural Family Planning is effective. I prefer Sympto-thermal, especially as a person ages. Check out Couple to Couple League (ccli.org)

    May St> Gianna pray for you.

    #2834

    elisa
    Member

    Me too… love the CCL sympto-thermal method.

    My friend was going to get a vasectomy. It is not even healthy when you look at all the things your body does in reaction to it.

    Not good.

    Anyways…I’ve been giving all my friends the Janet Smith tape: “Sexual Common Sense” (formerly known as Contraception Why Not”… and brochures on the Effectiveness of NFP.

    #2835

    celticspirit
    Member

    I’m a member of many other support boards for various causes. One of them is a support board for an endocrine disorder known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. One of the moms researched tubal ligations and found that the process can cause hormonal problems that can affect your health. It was VERY interesting to read.

    My thoughts and prayers are with all the moms in this position. I know that I would LOVE another child (but can’t get pregnant without help–medications, I won’t use anything against church teaching) but we can’t afford another one. We can’t afford to fix our house up for the 3 we have.

    I also have a lot of problems with my body and I’m rather worried what another pregnancy would do. It really saddens me that so many other moms are in this position.

    God bless!

    #2836

    paty
    Member

    After several years of doing NFP (billings method) I got pregnant again. I secretly wanted another one and husband did not. I thought I could be fertile because it was around that time. But I didnt see or feel any mucus, so we did it. Needless to say I got pregnant and my husband was terrified and angry. We were barely able to pay our bills and put food on the table. I get no help with the kids (Then, 2 and 4) We had no baby things because we weren’t supposed to have any more. The pregnancy was very hard. My husband was very unsupportive and mean to me the entire pregnancy. It was also very very hard on me physically. I was already 200 pounds when I got pregnant. All I could do was sleep. Never cleaned and could not take care of the kids. Towards the end I could barely walk and had extreme pain in my back and sides. I had begun to think about putting my faith aside and get my tubes tide or have him get a vasectomy. Birth control or the IUD was outta the question since they can cause abortions. So I started praying. I prayed that God would put it in my husbands heart to be open again to NFP. But I went ahead and scheduled the tubal. I kept asking him to check out vasectomies with his insurance. Then I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. I was soo so blessed and happy. I could have had the tubal then and there. but I was still waiting for more info on the vasectomy. While I was still in the hospital my husband asked about the vasectomy at work. It was way too expensive. I was so angry at him for waiting so long to find out that now it was too late to do the tubal. I would have to wait 6 weeks and it would be right before his sisters wedding!
    I was angry mostly because he didnt care enough to ask after months and months of me telling him to. So I just went ahead with my plans to do the tubal. I was still torn because I had been fully aware of the churchs stanse on NFP and I understood why and was in agreement. I was proud to have been an NFP mom and I had even tried to evangelize others about it and not to use artificial means. But now it was my turn. I could see how difficult it is to bring up so many children, financially as well as physically. I wanted to return to work and school. Our home is too small for even one more kid. It is just too hard. I could not risk getting pregnant again. It is too easy to mess up and I would have at least 15 more years of potentially fertile years. I decided I could not risk it.
    Finally on the night before my operation, my husband decided to talk to me about it. It was about 8 at night. He said he started feeling guilty. He said he was open to consider NFP. We talked all night long. He asked me if I messed up could we take the morning after pill so that I could not get pregnant. (I was shocked at this) I said no that is only if you’ve been raped and it is a form of abortion. That is when I realized that I would be on my own with NFP and I could not mess up ever again. It was now 1 a.m. ( I had to be at the hospital at 5 a.m.) We took the kids to my sister’s and told them we were unsure still what to do. Got home and lit our unity candle from our wedding and started praying for an answer. I heard Jesus say that the decision was up to me and that he would be with me no matter what. Still not sure what to do, we went to sleep. We woke up at 6:30 am and rushed to the hospital. I figured I had an hour to decide and if I decided yes at least I wouldnt have missed this last chance. ( It was covered by Medicaid) I just decided to trust in God and do it. I cried and the Doctor asked me if I wanted to change my mind. I said no. I said a prayer and went to sleep. When I woke up I was a damaged woman. Yes, I feel different, incomplete. Like I am not a real woman anymore. I feel I am a failure as a catholic. I feel like I have put a curse on my body. To be unopen to life almost feels to be open to death. Maybe in the future I wont regret it. That is what I hope for. As time goes on my life will take a turn for the better and I will know I dont have time for more kids. But yes I made a serious mistake and I wish I could take it back . I just really pray that none of my children are taken away. I could not handle that. My husband however is pleased as punch and occasionally will still throw it in my face that we were not supposed to have a third child. That is when I feel that maybe it was ok what I did.

    #2837

    fredar
    Member

    Paty,

    Wow…I’m sorry your husband was so unsupportive. I’m sending prayers and hugs your way.

    Freda

    #2838

    celticspirit
    Member

    Paty,

    I’m so very sorry for all you’ve been through.

    It’s such a difficult decision to make when we KNOW we can’t afford any more but we also know that a permanent decision isn’t right with God either.

    Please know that my prayers are with you.

    #2839

    sillara
    Member

    Wow! This thread has been very enlightening to me to read. I am in sort-of a similar situation to some of yours. I have three daughters, aged 7, 6, and 4. I am a recent convert to Catholicism (a year ago last Sunday!), but even when I was Protestant I was skeptical of BC. Well, I am pretty much a stay-at-home-mom. I have a part-time job teaching at our local Catholic school, but I am quitting that come spring! (Too much what with home-schooling our own.) But about the birth control things.

    My own pregnancies were rough. I nearly did not survive the birth of our second daughter, and had it not been for our wonderful Catholic hospital (which we chose on purpose, despite being Protestant :P ) I would have lost my fertility if not my life. After my third baby, my husband did not want us to have any more. It is *very* difficult on my body, and I tend to have premature babies. I had to have surgery during the third pregnancy to tie my cervix shut to prevent premature delivery. So, as Protestants, we used the *GRAPHIC ALERT*

    withdrawal method.

    It was messy and unpleasant, but it worked. However, after our conversion to the Catholic Church, I tried to convince my husband not to use that method any more. Eventually, he agreed. Lately we have not even been using NFP. :P We are trusting that God will work everything out as He wills. If He wants us to have more, we will. No, we do not have a lot of money, and we live in a tiny, rented house. But our children are healthy and happy, and they are devoted to the Church. What more could we want?

    On a side note, my Protestant mother had her tubes tied after her third baby. She has regretted it her entire life. My father once told me that his greatest regret in life was encouraging my mother in that decision. My Protestant sisters have three children apiece, and they are not likely to have more; but even my youngest sister, who has to have C-sections every time, would not get a tubal ligation. The permanency is just too much, even for Protestants who believe in birth control.

    For all those out there who are still considering, please don’t!

    #2840

    convertmomma
    Member

    About three and a half years age I had my tubes tied. And yes I regretted it. I felt that I had to do anything, something to fix it. With my husband’s support this past November I had my tubal reversed. Currently we are working on baby number 4. If for some reason it doesn’t work I know we did what we could to undo our mistakes.

    I would encourage anyone who has had a tubal to pray about a reversal.

    #2841

    johnson8
    Member

    Dear ConvertMomma,
    Thank you for your post! You have no idea how many hearts you may be touching with your words.
    God Bless You.

    #2842

    crys
    Member

    I’ve changed my mind since my last post; I’m believing that NFP can really work…

    #2843

    julka
    Member

    Crys – I am confused about your post. Are you saying that after having a certain number of kids it’s ok to have your tubes tied??
    Please correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s not ok.

    #2844

    crys
    Member

    deleted last post…

    #2845

    joyce_lakee
    Member

    What always impressed me about NFP is that people who use it rave about it–how it strengthens their marriage, improves communication, etc.

    Nobody raves about artificial contraception.

    #2846

    julka
    Member

    @Joyce_LaKee wrote:

    What always impressed me about NFP is that people who use it rave about it–how it strengthens their marriage, improves communication, etc.

    Nobody raves about artificial contraception.

    That’s cause there is nothing to rave about… even those who support b/c 100% and use it regularly whine about all the negative side effects it brought them.

    #2847

    off topic but im excited i get my dirty iud out on wed! and after that whatever happens happens. we want another. I’m just kind of scared at having stair step kids again its enjoyable in some ways but others not. mine are 13 months apart. the baby we lost would of been 11 months from my oldest. got preg right after my miscarriage and gave birth to my youngest early. none the less we did not “try” for any of those pregnancy’s. it will be neat to actually try this time. after that i plan to try the nfp. i found this thing if you are really scared it pretty much tells you when you can have sex without getting preg or even helps to get preg. its called lady comp. there is also baby comp for just getting preg. very expensive tho.

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