June 30, 2007 at 5:02 am #2167
I am really lost right now. I feel like I am spinning my wheels and don’t know where to turn. I am mother of 3, 4yr son, 2yr girl and 1 yr girl. I love my children, they are my life. I quit my job after having my son. I suffered PPD with him but recieved no treatment because I was so embarassed& scared. After my 1st daughter I had noPPD problems but after my 2nd daughter I have not been doing well. I’ve been on meds since my 6wk check up. The problem that I have is that I read so many of your posts and I read how open you are to life and many of you have 4+ kids and want more, excited about the prospect. In my head it sounds so wonderful and holy and like what I ‘SHOULD’ want but inside I am screaming, PLEASE GOD NO!! I can’t do it. I feel selfish and horrible but I don’t think I can do this. How do I get there? I feel like I am cheating my kids, my husband and myself. Am I alone, the minority or does everyone feel this way? Are you just faking it because this is how we should live our lives in service to our families? I’m feeling really alone. My husband is a wonderful kind man but doesn’t ‘get it’. What should I do? I feel like a failure and that if I can’t beat this then I’m going to somehow damage my kids. Most days I just wish I could stay in bed and have everyone leave me alone. Obviously with 3 kids that is no where near my reality. I have no help…….I don’t know what to do.
Thanks for letting me vent.July 4, 2007 at 12:38 am #3654
First of all big hugs to you. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. You said in your post that you are on medication, so I assume you have a doctor treating you. Beyond that, know that having your oldest being so young, things are probably the hardest they will ever be. It seems as my oldest gets older, because she becomes more independent and the others follow her lead, things get easier for me, even though I have more children to take care of. My advice to you is to pray every day! I have received so many graces since I began praying the rosary daily. I also try to say other prayers throughout the day, and I cannot begin to tell you how much it helps. I will say a prayer for you.
JessicaJuly 4, 2007 at 4:36 am #3655
Well, like the poster above said, it is hardest right now because they are ALL so young. Even since my oldest turned 5 it has gotten WAY easier.
I guess it’s not just something that happens where it’s complete bliss and joy all the time (the mindset that you were inquiring about). It takes a lot of work and a lot of looking to the cross and reminding ourselves of Jesus’ sacrifice. It’s not about our needs and wants. These children are gifts from God and it’s our job to not look at ourselves anymore once we have children. Sometimes we have to push our feelings, wants, and needs aside for a brief time in order to be all we need to be for them. It’s not EASY.
Yes, you will make mistakes. Yes, you will have bad days. All you can do is try and pray, pray pray!!! None of us are perfect mothers who always have a blissful, grateful attitude. It’s something that takes work.
Just my thoughts!
HeatherJuly 29, 2007 at 4:17 am #3656
Eloquently said, Heather!
Boy oh boy can I relate this week. It has been one of those weeks. Our children are also very young. That definitely makes the difference. PLUS, I think that the third child is the hardest. As a friend of ours told me, “Now you have more kids than hands.” There’s so much truth in that.
Something about odd numbers, too, I think. Our kids tend to pair off to play at home. The third becomes the extra “wheel” that needs so much more of your attention.
Hang in there…keep seeing your doctor (PPD IS a medical condition – certainly NOT any type of failing!!!) If the meds he has given you aren’t working, don’t be afraid to ask for something else! I’ll say a prayer for you!
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