Scared of Being Pregnant, Wanting More Children

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I have taken birth control in the past to regulate my periods and I HATED how it made me feel!!!! My husband also wore condoms when we first got married, to which my body also reacted badly (stinging and burning)—We have started talking about NFP, but haven’t gone to any classes since our 10-month old takes up all of our time. The birth control (and lack thereof!) issue has really ruined our sex life. My poor husband is so patient with me, but I feel terrible about it!!! I had a complicated pregnancy with our son, filled with pre-term laor at 24 weeks, 15 solid weeks of strict bed rest—-our son was born happy and healthy at 39 weeks (a mircle–PRAISE GOD!!!), but he tore me BADLY on the way out and also broke my tailbone. Since our honeymoon I have also had recurring Urinary Tract Infections and hve been on many horrible antibiotics—doctors say sex causes UTIs, giving me one more reason to fear sex. I am worried that I am going to ruin an otherwise good marriage because of my fears of pregnancy (and sex, really). Does anyone see where I’m coming from? Anyone think NFP might help any of this? (Just a note: I LOVE being a mother and would have a million kids if it weren’t for the bad pregnancy. I still plan on having more kids, just don’t know how to get over my anxiety!!!!) ❓ 😳 😥 🙄 😆 Someone remind me that my thoughts are selfisha nd that its all up to God…………Jennifer