Re: insightful perspective…

Welcome Catholic Moms! Forums Marriage Forum On Subordination…. Re: insightful perspective…

#3088

lynnt
Member

@Josie wrote:

I just thought I might add a suggestion…

Have you read the book called, “Good News about Sex & Marriage”?
Christopher West mentions the submission topic in his book & although I’ve already heard and re-heard the explanation of submission, I still found West’s explanation to be a beautiful reminder of the awesome perspective the Church really has on wives and husbands.

At any rate, I can assure you that the book is well worth the read. It’s an outstanding book.

-Josie

ITA! A GREAT book!

I run the household. Period. It’s out of necessity b/c he is home so little of the time. So I do all the housework, child rearing, and finances. It doesn’t mean that I don’t listen to my husband or respect him or “submit” to him as St. Paul says. It’s just reality right now. We do discuss things and no major decision is made by either of us without the other’s input AND consent. For example, we really needed a new car a few years ago. The one we had was falling apart, but we also didn’t really have the money. DH was in Iraq. I could have just gone and bought a car, knowing that we really didn’t have a choice, we really needed it, but that’s a major decision and I waited until I was able to talk to him about it. Had he said, “No, do not buy a car.” I would have “obeyed”. Another instance, he really wanted this $700 exercise thing. We could have gotten it, but it would have made things really tight around here. I told him I just didn’t think it was a good idea and that I didn’t think he should get it. So he didn’t. In my marriage, I would find it disrespectful if a major decision had to be made, we didn’t agree on it, and he just went and said “I’m doing it anyway.” I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I did that either! For others, that might work for them. But that’s not our dynamic, and I think you have to pray and really search your hearts when deciding what dynamic will work best for you and your family.

Do I think I am “head of the household”? I guess it depends on what is meant by that. My husband is the one who earns the money to put the food I prepare on our table. It’s because of him that I can be a stay at home mom. That we live in a nice house, have all that we need and then some. So in that sense, I see HIM as the head of the house. On the other hand, he is not Catholic, so it is entirely up to me to do the spiritual upbringing in the home. In that sense, I’M the head of the household.

I like what someone else said, that marriage doesn’t have to be 50-50. In fact, I think if you insist on it being 50-50 all the time, you set yourself up for failure–for resentment, anger, arguments and disappointment. There have been times when he has been home and taken over all the usual responsibilities that I would do, so that I could be somewhere else or even just catch some rest, whatever the reason. So while if you look at the burden of taking care of the house, my role is significantly more than 50% most of the time, it isn’t always that way. Everything balances out.