Something in this post really struck a nerve in me and I thought I would just move on but I can’t. I feel a little fired up so I’m saying a calming prayer and I’m just going to tell my story!
I had ppd after my first child. I DID NOT talk to my doctor about it. I talked to my husband, mother and sister and prayed continuously for the feelings I had to be taken away. I went to counseling. I was told that I was just ‘going through a rough patch’ and that ‘change is hard’. I went from working 40+ hours at a VERY BUSY, VERY FAST paced work environment to staying home with a cranky little boy! In the year prior to this I had gotten married, moved an hour away from my family, and suffered a miscarriage. I had always wanted one thing…….a family and now I had one and all I could think about was getting in my car and driving FAR, FAR away! For 14 months I lived under a cloud. I was afraid to tell anyone ( in the beginning even the counselor) just how I felt because I was scared that they were going to come take my son and at the same time wondering if maybe they shouldn’t come and take him because I was just not good enough of a mom. And so it went round and round and then one day, the cloud was gone. I actually felt JOY! I felt the tickle a mom feels – you know the one where they smile at you and all the rest of the world MELTS away. I couldn’t believe how great it was and then I started to wonder……is this jsut how it works?? Then #2 come along and I was SCARED to death to go back to that place. But after she was born, I waited for the cloud to show up but it never did! I was so elated! The feelings of joy that I had to wait 14 months for with my son came with my daughters arrival! Then 6 months later I got pregnant with #3 and after her birth all the feelings that I had with #1 came back only worse.
Let me tell you that I was raised never going to the doctor. I didn’t take a tylenol until I was 18 years old. We would visit a naturpathic doctor on occasion but no vaccines, no prescriptions, no OTC meds, just herbs, hydrotherapy and eating healthy. So I’m not a pill popper. I have a different perspective than my mom and we live a differnt lifestyle but medication is never my first choice. So when faced with these feelings I started researching antidepressants on line, asking around and by the time I made it to my 6 week check up, I talked to my doctor about it. We ran some blood work to check thyroid & other levels, I waited another week and then we made the determination that zoloft was the way to go. I picked up the prescription and then waited 3 more days before taking it. 10 days later, the cloud was gone.
I’m a BUCK UP AND GET OVER IT kind of person. You know, NO BLOOD NO BOTHER. So admitting I had a problem that no one could see or touch or EXACTLY diagnose was a HUGE problem for me. But I truly feel that I am a better mom, better wife and better person all around because I had the courage to get help, even in the form of a pill. I thank God for zoloft, and for the courage it took for me to take it.
I will now step off my soap box! Besides, dd #1 is trying to hug ds and ds is screaming like she just squirted him with acid and dd#2 just woke up and is ready to eat! Sorry the post is so long.