I can COMPLETELY feel your frustration. In the beginning when we were childless and both working, we would pick one night and clean and if I made a list, he’d peck away at it until things were done. In retrospect I was guilty of nit picking and instisting things were done ‘right’ AKA my way! Then when DS came along and I quit working outside, I had plenty of time to take care of everything myself. Even after DD 2 years later I was in control but again if I asked, he’d help. I’m not sure why it annoyed me so badly to have to ask for each thing. Why couldn’t he just see that there are toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, and spilled milk on the floor???? Then when DD2 came along just barely 1 year later, things changed for me. I don’t care if I have to ask, as long as it gets done. And not much gets cleaned the way I’d like (including what I do) but I don’t really have time to care about that. I should be cleaning right now!! But having a little down time while hubby & kids nap is a treat. I’ve decided to accept my house won’t be as clean as I like and my husband isn’t going to see the laundry piling up even when he has no clean underwear.
Here is what works for me. Praise him! Like he just invented a cure for cancer! Not disingenuine, but when he cleans the bathroom, he wants to hear THANK YOU! He hears wow! that makes my life so much easier, I appreciate your help so much! The bathroom sure looks nice! And then the next time he finishes shaving he remembers what a pain it is to clean up all those little hairs and he picks up a little better after himself. But for my husband, he wants to know I appreciate him, that his help is invaluable to me and that I know he’s making an effort.
It’s taken me 3 kids and almost 6 years of marriage to figure it out but it seems to be working for us. He’s a good, hardworking man that wants to be a good example to his children. I am very lucky. Keep praying for him too! If God can move a mountain, surely he can help your husband see the trash!