I know exactly how you feel I’m going through the same thing right now. I wish that I had listened to my instincts and not had this procedure done 8 weeks ago after the birth of my son, but instead my husband and I decided to follow our own selfish intuitions.
I’ve been feeling so distant from my husband reciently and I don’t know what to do about it. Durring my last pregnancy with my son we were debating what to do as far as birthcontroll wis afterwards. We are both catholic and knew we didn’t want to use and artificial form like the pill because of obvious religious moral issues surrounding birth controll. I couldn’t stand the idea of gerint pregnant and having it unintentionaly aborted. And NFP wasn’t working for us because I have such an irregular cycle it’s extreemly dificult to track. Finances have been tight since or oldest started attending a provate catholic school in our area and more kids would be a financial disaster for us. Also on top of everything this was my third c-section and we wern’t sure exactly how much scar tissue I had and what m body could handle.
So we made the decision to have a tubal ligation performed while I was in surgery for my c section. I had doubts about it, wonderign if it was a sin to not have our marriage open to more children, wondering if i was trule ready to not have more kids etc.. but didn’t feel comfortable talking to our priest. He’s new and has only been at our church for a month. Our old priest left reciently due to a new assignment. Anyways, so we had the surgery and had a tubal ligation performed during the birth of our son.
And ever since then I’ve been sad, not postpardum sad, just wishful and wondering that I maybe made the wrong decision. I’m worried that I’ve commited a sin in our marriage. I’m worried that each act of love will not be open to more children and I’m scared that I’m defying God’s will. I’m worried that now everytime I make love to my husband that I’m also sinning against god.
Anyways now I’m feeling so distant from my husband. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he just replies that this is the decision we made and not to worry about it. I feel angry at him and I’m not sure why. I feel like I don’t want to make love to him at all, and I feel like there is a closeness that is missing now. He’s a realy great husband and I love him so much but inside I feel like I’m being riped farther away from him. I feel like a part of me is missing now. We can’t afford to have to operation reversed. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want this issue to tear us apart. And I want to feel close to him again.
My problem isn’t that I want more chldren. At least not at this point. My problem is that I feel like I’ve sinned againt God, that I’m not following the plan he had for me. I wory about the impact of my decision. What if I was suposed to have more children? What if I’m stoping somthign great from happening, what if I have forever changed the corse of history because of my own selfish actions?
My husbands opinion on it is that we had this done and our reasons still are justified and that it’s not a sin. But I know that it is and that in the long run our reasons are only selfish. My hsband says instead of worrying about it we shoudl work on our own marirage and we will be strong. But I don’t want to go to hell and I’m scared that everytime I have sex with my husband that it’s a sin now.
I know that through God all things are possible. I had previously used brthcontroll after the birth of our first daughter and before I knew it was a sin and after I found out it was a sin I immediately stoped using it. Unfortunatly I had consequences and It skrewed up my body realy bad, and it took us two years of trying to concieve before we could have our second daughter. I’m convinced that that waiting was my punishment. But I guess I didn’t learn my lesson because I skrewed up again.
The problem is this time I chose a method that was irreversible.
I chose a tubal because I thought it would be the lesser sin as oposed to using a birthcontrol that could be an aborcificent.
Do you think God can forgive me? I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself. I pray that this dosn’t result in our marriage falling apart. I pray that God will forgive me and heal the mutilation that I’ve done to my body. Although I don’t know if I believe that he will, and now I’ll live with this guilt forever.
Do you think that God can forgive us? Do you think that he can heal our bodies and allow us to follow his plan?
I prayed before I had this done that when it came time for the surgery if it was not his will to not let me be able to tell the doctor that I wanted this done. But when she asked I had an overwhelming sense of peace. So what was that all about? What is God’s will? Is this a sin? What is his purpose for me? I know these are probably questions I will never be able to answer. I just dont’ know what to do
HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE
THE LORD IS WITH THEE
BLESSED ARE THOU AMOUNG WOMEN
AND BLESSED IS THE FRUIT OF YOUR WOUMB JESUS
HOLLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD
PRAY FOR US SINNERS
NOW AND AT THE HOUR OF OUR DEATH -amen