I understand that NFP may seem like more trouble than it is worth, and I understand that sometimes birth control is the easy way to go, but I have to say (and this is just my opinion) that we were never promised an easy life, or an easy way. Just because birth control is available doesn’t mean it is the right choice or the moral choice. Our bodies are a gift from God, and along with that gift we have responsibilities to take care of ourselves and our bodies by not mutilating them and not hindering their responses. Who are we to impede God’s will for the life he has given us? Yes, we have been given free will to do what we choose, but just because something seems like what we want or need, doesn’t mean it is the right choice. I have been Catholic all my life, but until this last year, I haven’t been a very good one, I have made choices I regret, and choices that I cannot run away from.
After my third child, who happened to be unplanned (and a very difficult and scary pregnancy) was born we made the decision to get a tubal ligation. Within a day of having the procedure done, I felt remorse and regret. I felt ashamed of myself and selfish and I didn’t understand why. My marriage ended in divorce and I believe this was due to the lack of God’s presence in our marriage.
Two years ago, I met and fell in love with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. After meeting my husband and falling in love with him, I felt as if I was given a gift from God. . I have finally found someone who loves me completely, and encourages me to be a better person and lead a better life. My husband and I soon got married and I started to get back into my religion and began doing my best to be a good mother, a good wife, and a good person in general. I started annullment proceedings through the archdiocese so that we could be married in the church, and have our union blessed, the way it should be. As a family, we began attending church regularly, and it felt so good.
I now see that fertility is a gift, not a burden, and I cannot tell you how much I regret my selfish decision of 6 years ago. It weighs on my heart daily, and I can’t help feeling that I somehow deserve this pain because of what I did to my body, my life, and the life of my husband. Every day I say a prayer to God that He will help me to correct this sin of mine.
I heard one day at church that God answers all prayers, but that you have to have faith that your prayers will be answered instead of just speaking the words. Maybe that is my problem, not my faith in God, but my faith in myself, and in whether or not I deserve a second chance at fertility and motherhood. I have many regrets, and I would encourage any woman considering a tubal ligation to look inside herself first, even if her situation seems hopeless. There is always another way, and reversals are not always an option. I spoke to a Doctor who performs reversals, but the procedure will cost $6200, and insurance companies will not help with the costs. Artificial birth conrol in my experience, a bad decision, and a painful one that is sometimes impossible to reverse. I hope if anyone who is thinking about having one sees this letter, that they will re-think that decision, because the pain doesn’t subside, it only gets worse as time goes on. I know in my case, I chose the most permanent form of contraception, and other types of birth control may have less remorse associated with them, but the principals are the same. You cannot call yourself a true Catholic if you only embrace the values you think are easiest or most comfortable. That is not what our faith is about. It is about believing in something that may not even make sense to you because you have faith that God will not steer you the wrong way, and His way is always the right way. Sorry for rambling, I am very emotional about this topic though.