Thank you for sharing your story–the world does seem like a scarier, more menacing place right after obstetric loss. Nobody’s “supposed” to lose a child and when it does happen your mind can easily slip to some dark places where you wonder what else could possibly go wrong in an ordered universe.
Actually, I know I’ve been abundantly blessed. Most days I understand this deeply. I know women who have never been able to get pregnant at all, or never found a good man to marry or had numerous problems that prevented them from ever living a normal life with everyday joys. (Case in point–there’s a woman my age in my parish who’s mentally retarded and lives with her parents and while she’s never been through the pain of obstetric loss, she’s never known the joy of love and marriage).
Just once in a while, however, I succumb to sadness–but at least everybody her understands that.